


When You See My Truth

by Keiiyou



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Comfort, Drarry, Gay, Hurt, M/M, Rape, Veela, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-08-22 08:34:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 28
Words: 29,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8279627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keiiyou/pseuds/Keiiyou
Summary: No one can stop me... I don't want to live. I don't belong in this world. I want to die, and the key to my death is Harry. Harry James Potter. We're both veelas, and if I make Harry my mate without him knowing it I'll die. Because if a veelas mate does not turn back the love, the veela will die in two months. And that's good. Harry hates me. He would never make me his mate. He will not even know he was mine. I have it all planed out, I can't wait until I can close my eyes for the last time, forget everything. Forget my ... Yeah.. Forget my past. I don't have a future. I don't deserve a future.





	1. Why am I alive?

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is my first try to a fanfiction. I would really appreciate feedback and critics, the story can always be better, and I would love for you to tell my mistakes. I'm pretty confident in my grammar, but since I'm not an english native speaker I would love to hear about spelling or grammatical errors. Bye! :)

“Is this him? The veela?”  
“Yeah, I caught him just a while ago.”  
“Not a pretty sight are yah.” He pokes me with his foot. I didn’t move. I couldn’t move.  
“He’s going to mature, besides, his hair isn’t half as bad, I think I even like it. An unusually pretty blond.”  
“His hair yeh, but look at his eyes, I doubt he even sees anything. They look so dull.”  
“What did you expect? He’s spelled half to death already. But they were probably a pretty grey when he still had the sparkle.”  
“Well, he’s too old for that shit. I ain’t got time for this, lets get it on with.” 

Someone is lifting me. My body feels numb. I close my eyes.  
\----  
We’re somewhere. They put me down. It’s dark, and cold. It’s a stone floor. Like the one we have at home, in our basement, in our dungeons. 

They leave. I can see their shadows disappearing together with the small light. It’s dark as night. I can’t see my hand in front of me. I don’t want to see it either. It hurts. I know how my hand must look like. Like the rest of my body. I’m awful. I deserve to be here. I deserve to be thrown away. I never did anything right.  
\---  
They came back. They laugh. They smell like father use to after he’s been out with his friends. I never liked that smell. It made my father angry.  
They undress me. Why? Let me go… I’m freezing. Why can’t I speak? Why can’t I say no? Why don’t they see my tears? Why don’t they stop? 

It hurts. It’s too big. That's not a place for a thing like that. I can feel the blood. They continue to laugh. I can’t move. All I feel is pain, and coldness. A man is behind me, putting his thing in me. It’s wrong. It’s not supposed to be there. A man stands before me. He takes my face in his hand. Cold hands… don’t touch me. You’re filthy. He forces my mouth open. I can’t restrain. My mouth is full. Just as full as I am below my back. It’s disgusting. It tastes weird. I hate it. I can’t breath. It hurts. I can feel blood run down my legs.

I’m weak, father tells me. I’m horrible he tells me. It’s true. Why? Cause my father says so. Everything my father says is true. Everyone knows that. If someone says he’s wrong… I’ll never see that person again. I know what father’s doing to them. I’ve heard them. I hear them. They’re close, really close. I’m here too. I said my father was wrong. I deserve this. My father is never wrong. I’m a freak. It hurts. Why am I alive? Father asks. Why do you live?  
I don’t know. I know it’s wrong to live. I know it’s wrong… Yet, I want to. Father says to take your life is weak. To take your own life is wrong. I can’t do something father will be mad at. I can’t take my life.  
But father wants me dead. I know I’m supposed to be dead. I don’t deserve to live. Cause my father said so. What am I supposed to do? How can I make father happy? 

They left. I’m bleeding. It hurts, I can’t move. But I know… They will be back. 

And they came back. Many… many… many times. Father too. He came. I know I’m disgusting. I know I’m an eye sore. I know I don’t deserve to be here, I don’t deserve my name. Cause father said so.


	2. This is how I'll die

-Draco’s pov-

“Here, you’ll need this. And don’t forget your books, you’ll need them too.”  
I nodded. I couldn’t wait until I was out of this madhouse. Mother gave me an inspecting look. She knew something was off. But I didn’t had any intention to tell her about it, so I hurriedly took my robe from her hands and my books from a bench besides us. 

It was a nice sunny day. I would appreciate it. If I appreciated anything, but I don’t soo… I don’t really care if it’s a sunny day. But it seems that mother is getting a better mood because of it. I’m outside my house. Well, manor. To be exact. And not mine, never mine. Fathers.  
I am outside father's manor and I’m currently bidding my mother good bye. I’m soon to be off for my fifth year at Hogwarts. I’m supposed to be at Kings Cross in thirty minutes, so mother kissed me goodbye and soon I was off together with a house elf. 

I got there pretty early considering we apparated and there was still many cabins left untouched.  
I placed myself alone in one of them. I still hadn’t shaken off a nervous feeling I’ve had since a week ago. It was then I had decided I would do this. I would do it to escape this rotten hell called earth. I would be gone. But not through suicide, oh no. Suicide was forbidden. No, I have another way. 

For the reason I’m currently thinking about suicide is because my life isn’t worth more than a fly. The only thing of worth on me is the name I have and the clothes I own. Everything else is a total disappointment. I know that, because my father hasn’t let a day go while he’s home without reminding me about it. 

I don’t want to think of my home. I hate it. I don’t want to think of my school. I hate it. I don’t want to think of my life. I hate it, and soon enough I will get rid off it. 

The truth to be told I was never a very pretty child. I always had scars and wounds because… I can’t even think about it.  
But as I matured I suddenly actually found myself developing into a pretty beautiful young boy. My appearance had of course with my blood inheritance to do. My father is a veela, an dominant veela. Father knew I also would be a beautiful man as him one day, but the only different would be… that I will become a submissive. Yes, a submissive. Me, A Malfoy, submissive?? I’m not even worth my name. To dare be born a submissive. My father threw his interest in me away the second he found out, and you can found out pretty easily at a very young age. It has with the smell you give out to do. Only veelas can smell it. 

But enough about that. I’m planning on using my veela thing to die. Yes, just that. Die. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, but it’s also the thing I’ve been most afraid to try. I never tried suicide, if I survived and my father found out I would be meeting a fate far worse than the life I already have. 

But now I have a way. The thing is, Potter is a veela. My full time rival is a veela. And a dominant one at that. I hate him. I hate him with everything I got. He’s life is so perfect. He is a person everyone wants to befriend. Not like me, I am a freak. He’s perfect, and I’m hideous.  
I’ve spent much time trying not to show my madness in school. Father always tells me I’m mad.  
So I’ve tried everything to cover up for it, and that left me and Potter hating each other. Now, I’m going to take use of that hate to die. A veela can choose his mate. It’s pretty easy. You just mentally tell yourself that that person is your mate. Now that’s not the only way to mate. If you fall in love with someone you’ll unconsciously mate. 

But there’s one catch. If the person you mate with don’t turn back the love and mates with you in less than two months, you die. You die. And that’s my plan. I’m going to make Harry my mate. He doesn’t need to know it, and I’ll just avoid him. In two months, I’ll die a natural death and no one will ever know who my mate was. I don’t feel sorry for thinking this. I won’t miss anything in this life, well, maybe mother, but nothing else. I don’t have any real friends and I don’t plan on making ones ether. I’m a freak, and I can’t let someone in close enough to see that. Then I would disgrace the Malfoy name more than I already have. I have to put on the Malfoy mask. That's the only thing father allows. 

The ride to Hogwarts was long and after several hours the train finally arrives. I’ve had avoided all of my slytherin friends. I didn’t want anything to do with them, and, after all, they couldn’t really be called friends. Just people I spent time with, so no one would see my rotten self. 

I made a point in avoiding everyone. The only mission for this term was to die, to anger Potter as much as I could.


	3. Hogwarts

-Draco’s pov-

He really does like to take long, uninteresting speeches, that Dumbledore. I couldn’t care less. I couldn’t care less about that thing to girl sitting besides me either.   
“Hey, why didn’t you sit with us on the way here?” Pansy asks me.  
“I have a headache.” I lied. Or technically, now when I think about it, I do have a headache, can’t she just leave me alone?  
“Oh my poor Draco, I know a spell that can fix that! Wait let me try…”  
“No, I’ll be fine on my own. Don’t you have anything better to do?” I snapped at her.   
“Wow wow wow calm down slytherin prince.” said Blaise from the other side of Draco. Crabbe and Goyle sits in front of him, seemly listening to Dumbledore’s rant about everything. 

I sneered at Blaise and kept looking around for anything interesting. My gaze froze at the always famous Harry Potter. He looked like he had last year. Same curly unkempt black hair and round glasses. Just the thought of falling in love with him made me want to vomit. But I knew that no one else in this school hates me as much as he does, well, maybe a Weasley, but hey, here must be some moderation. I’ll NEVER sink so low to actually try and fall in love with the weasel or the she-weasel. And on top of the hatred, Harry was most certainly not gay. He would never think of me in a romantic way. The thought alone was laughable. 

Potter looked very busy listening to Dumbledore’s speech, he didn’t notice me staring, but the weasel did. He shot me a hateful glare and I answered with a sly smirk before turning away my gaze. 

The first years were sorted and the food appeared on the tables. I looked at it with disgust. During my stay at home this summer I’ve stopped eating. Not totally, off course, but I don’t eat as much as I use to. Food doesn’t seem interesting to me anymore. I feel like throwing up just looking at it. I don’t want to eat, but I don’t want any weird looks from the other Slytherins either, so I fill my plate with food and start picking. 

In the end, around three mouthfuls made it to the stomach. I hurried down the corridor to the dungeons and the Slytherin home. I hate to go down there. I hate dungeons. Halfway there I ran into someone around the corner. Snape’s dark eyes glared down at me as I got up from the floor. 

-Harrys pov- 

It was fantastic being back in Hogwarts again. The summer at the Dursleys’ had been suffocating. Now I’m finally at home. I’m going to spend this year with my friends, getting good grades and do everything a normal teenager would. I don’t want to spend another year dwelling on Voldemort. I know I must play hero for everyone, but can’t it wait until I’ve at least graduated? Haha, that sounded pathetic.   
But now I wont think of that. I spent the train ride here with Ron and Hermione as usual, we catched up and talked. Hermione’s hair wasn’t as frizzy as it used to and you could actually say that she begun to look very attractive, at least in Ron’s eyes, as much as he was drooling over her.   
Now we’re in the great hall listening to Dumbledore, it was good seeing him again. I feel safe, protected. I was listening to his speech when Ron poked me with his elbow.  
“what?” I whispered.   
“Malfoy was staring at you.” he said. I looked over at the blond slytherin. He had changed very much during the vacation. His features wasn’t as childish and his cheekbones was visibly sharper. Actually, it’s surprising so much he’s changed. It could barely fall under natural, but after all, it’s Malfoy we’re talking about. He probably stuffed his mouth full with all different kinds of beauty potions during the vacation. The only problem I could see was the fact that he’d gotten visibly thinner, but I didn’t care. No, I would actually like the fact that not everything was perfect with our beloved bully’s life. I turned my attention back to the teacher’s table, it was then I noticed that Snape’s place was vacant. I knew Snape was here somewhere, I’ve seen him earlier. But it didn’t matter. I was happy being able to avoid the ugly git. 

Soon the food appeared on our table and I ate with joy. I wasn’t the only one. Ron stuffed his face with chicken and Hermione happily ate from the fine shrimps. 

I didn’t even notice Malfoy leaving earlier than everyone else, nor would I’ve cared if I did. 

-Draco’s pov-

“Excuse me, professor.” I said, stumbling up to my feet. He stared at me with disgust. Even if I’ve found myself under my godfathers likening during the years it didn’t change the fact that he always gave the impression of hating everything and everyone. Almost as me, though I couldn’t show it. 

“Watch where you’re going, I don’t want you making a fool out of yourself.” he said. I nodded and quickly passed, feeling his gaze at my back. 

Sometimes it was fun having Snape liking you. Like in the potion lessons when he always picked points from Gryffindor but never Slytherin. How he always praised me but only put bad remarks on Potter and his friends. 

I entered my room and prepared for bed. It was late and I felt tired. It felt like ages ago since I had a proper night’s sleep, but I didn’t expect being able to sleep very comfortably now either.   
I sunk into my bed and pulled the green quilt over me. Closer, closer I held it. Harder my grip got. My knuckles where white when I finally drifted into an uneasy sleep.


	4. My mate

-Harry’s pov-

I sat up on the bed and stretched my arms. A yawn escaped from my mouth. The sun was up and everyone had already gone to breakfast. It had been a fun day yesterday. After dinner we all went back to the common room and held a small party. I really loved seeing all my friends again. It felt like a stone lifted from my heart. I was worried something might have happen to them, that Voldemort might had done something. No one believed me when I told them he was alive. No one wanted to believe. 

I dressed and went down to the great hall. It was lively like always and everyone was happy. I took my place besides Ron and started propping my mouth full with the delicious things in front of me. 

-Draco’s pov-

It was terrible. I woke up in a cold sweat. I took my wand and cast a time spell. 4:32.  
I got up and started dressing. I didn’t want to wake up any of my room mates, if they would start wondering why I’m up at this hour. I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep again. The dream I had was still too fresh. No, it wasn’t just a dream. It was a memory. A memory of not too long ago. Hands… Laugh…

I went down the corridors in the direction of the doors. I had to go out of the castle. I wanted some fresh air.  
The sky was still dark, but not pitch black. The sun was about to rise and the air felt warm. It wasn’t a surprise. It was late summer and the leaves hadn’t even fallen off the trees yet. I begun walking down to the lake. There was a special spot there I used to go to when I wanted to be alone. When I couldn’t take everyone’s smiles and happy talking. When I just wanted to tear apart and cry. I couldn’t cry in front of others. That was unworthy of my name. I am unworthy of my name, but that doesn’t mean I have to make it worse. I’ve always tried to please my father in being my absolute best. He’ll probably be happy with my death. It will be the only thing I’ll ever do right. 

I watched the sun rise slowly in front of me. I knew the breakfast was around now, but I didn’t have any will to eat. 

I got up in time for my first lesson this term. It was actually the only lesson I liked. Potions. And it was also a perfect timing. I had already decided to mate with Potter there. 

I walked my way to the potion classroom in the dungeons. I avoided looking at the walls and anywhere else except the floor as much as possible. Those cold stone walls… they gave me flashbacks. 

I was in my own little world and didn’t notice the boy I bumped into. Great, second time this term. I looked up and met Weasleys hating eyes. It almost made me smile. He was so utterly pathetic. Not as pathetic as me, no one could be as pathetic as me. But I have to pretend. I have to pretend I am someone. That I am important. I pretended a face alarmed with disgust. “Watch it Weasel, I don’t want the diseases you must be possessing, seeing how everything you own must have been taken right from the trashes.”  
I brushed my arm and several Slytherins laughed as I continued in to the potion classroom. I knew Weasley said some comeback, but I didn’t hear it clearly. 

Potter and the mudblood had been accompanying Weasel and they all sat down in the far back of the classroom with anger in their eyes. 

-Harry’s pov-

Well, the only things bothering my perfect day was potions, and Malfoy. That irritating git was on it as always. I could not let my eyes off his back as he calmly relaxed into his chair. If stares could kill he would be as dead as Salsar Slytherin, well… maybe not quite that dead, but at least not as relaxed as he is now!

-Draco’s pov-

I could feel their stares in my back. It was laughable, really. But I didn’t do anything. Just tried to act as untroubled as possible. Snape gave us our assignments. The easiness off the assignment differenced from person to person cause Snape gave easy ones to the ‘less gifted’ and harder ones to them he wanted to show off the skills. 

The easiness in Potters assignment was bizarre. It was obvious that Snape was trying to show Potter’s weak skills by giving him a ridiculously easy assignment, but I didn’t have a long time to focus on that small joy, once my own assignment was in front of me. I was a really hard potion he wanted me to make. I was fairly sure this was taught to the seventh grade students. But I didn’t dwell on that. I was good in potion, actually, I surpassed the mudblood, and she was almost best in everything else. 

I was very careful with the potion and once it was finished, there was still time left. I looked back at Potter. He didn’t have any problems either. But then again, his potion was for second graders. I don’t think even Longbottom would be able to screw that one up. 

I decided to do it. I was going to do it. Now. I was a bit scared. A mate would be for the rest of the life. I would never be able to fall in real love with someone else. But then again, I wouldn’t have a life after this. This was going to end my life! I didn’t do this for to dwell on the fact that I’m never going to be able to fall in real love and get a family. I’m doing this to die. There’s not even one single person I love on this planet except my mother. And I was very sure that there wont be anyone I’ll ever love except mother and Potter either, because the fact that I’ll fall madly in love with Potter was for certain. I’ll just have to avoid him and all will be fine. 

I had been staring at him, he finally looked up and those green eyes met mine. It was then I did it. I didn’t want to think about anything else. I just forced myself to do it. To take my suicide. It was now I did it. There was no turning back after. 

And then I felt it. The wave startled me and I had to turn away. Breathing heavily. I could feel it. I knew I had done it. Now I was practically dead. Whatever I did in my life from now on won’t matter, because I’ll die for sure soon. 

I frowned as I suddenly felt a new sensation in my chest. It was the sensation of thinking of Potter. Potter? It was funny, a funny feeling. Gone where the hatred and jealousy I’ve felt under the years. The fact that Potter had declined my friendship in the first year was now saddening, not hateful. The fear that Potter had seen my madness and that's why he declined my friendship turned to sorrow. I suddenly felt a huge cloud of sadness swallow me. Potter hated me. He had always hated me, because he saw me. He saw right through me. He saw the freak my father saw. He saw past my Malfoy mask. He found me hideous, just like father. 

I couldn’t stay here with Potter’s gaze on me. I couldn’t meet those glowing green eyes. I darted out of the classroom and continued to run until I was in my room. There I threw myself on my bed and started crying. Good, I forced myself to think. Now the first step is done. I’ll just have to avoid him. But deep down I realised that that would be a much tougher thing to do than I first imagined, but that didn’t scare me off. I was determined to do this. Never again would I return home. Never again to the Malfoy’s manor. Never again to the Malfoy’s dungeons.


	5. Potter the veela

-Harry’s pov-

Harry watched as Malfoy’s eyes suddenly turned big and in the next second he was running out of the room.   
An explosion was heard at the same time and Harry turned his head to se Longbottom’s face all covered in soot, and smoke coming from his potion. 

Several Slytherins laughed but most of the class was still wondering why Malfoy had left the classroom like he did.   
\--  
“You saw him didn’t you?” Ron said with a wide smile on his face. “He looked horrified! Something amazing must have happened for Malfoy to run out like that, I would love to know the reason.” 

“Why don’t you ask him then.” I said. I was in my own world and didn’t quite tag along in the conversation. The face I had seen Malfoy do was one I’ve never once before experienced. He looked truly horrified. It wasn’t like the silly whimpers I’ve seen Malfoy do when Hermione hit him, or when I’d played with them under my invisibility cloak one winter outside of Hogsmeade. No, this was clear terror I’ve witnessed in his eyes. 

“Oh stop dwelling on that jerk, lets talk about something more important instead. Harry, how is it going with the Veela?” Hermionie aked. 

We three sat in the library and had just finished the charm essay when Ron had brought up the Malfoy subject again. 

“Yeah, It’s alright I guess. I haven’t found a good veela yet.” I said. Actually, the truth was that I haven’t focused on finding one. It would last for the rest of my life! I wanted to at least be of age when I decided, not sixteen.   
“Well, we can start off by writing down all the veelas in school. There might be one you like.” Hermione said in a matter-of-fact voice. She and Ron had been really surprised when they found out I was a veela. Well, I was pretty shocked too. I had grown a few inches over the past summer, and that wasn’t normal. I was even taller than Malfoy. Not that I wanted to know, I just noticed when he bumped into Ron. Speaking of Malfoy, he was a veela too. I had sensed it when I got my veela inheritance. He was a submissive. My veela instinct told me to take him, an available veela in my age. But I knew better. It was Malfoy. I would not toss away my eternal love for a guy who would just stamp on it, besides, how would I possibly survive that horrible personality of his?

Hermione had already begun scrabbling down names of the persons I had already casually told her vas veelas while walking past them.   
There were a total of six veelas on this school, me and Malfoy included. Two of them was already mated, and Malfoy was out of the question. One of the two remaining was a dominant, which left me with only one person who was a nice candidate for to be my mate, a Ravenclaw named Hanna Winter. She was a girl I had barely noticed before I knew she was a veela. She used to give me knowing looks and checking out my body. Well, I didn’t found any problems about that since I also found myself sneaking peaks at her. She was a nice girl.

“Well, Hanna is the only option on my list.” Hermione murmured. Ron looked at the list over ‘Mionie’s back and gave a choking laugh when he saw Malfoy’s name.  
“Is Malfoy a veela?” Ron said.  
“Yeah, I discovered that on the train while I passed his cabin. He was alone in there so it couldn’t be anyone else.” I said.  
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Ron said angily.  
“You, was too busy ranting on how Chudley Canons was sure to win the quiddich match against Appleby arrows.” Hermione said with a accusing look.  
“Well… anyways, Malfoy is a veela huh? He’ll probably go unloved for the rest of his life, who would want a selfish, self centred git like him?”   
Harry laughed in agreement but Hermione didn’t budge from her so called mature and sophisticated look.

“Well, if you’re done with your playing, we can start investigating Hanna Winter.” said Hermione.  
“Why would we investigate Winter?” said Ron and frowned.   
“So we know that she’ll be a good mate for Harry off course!” Hermione said. 

I didn’t quite feel like going spying on another student, after all, it’s not like I’ll decide whom my life long partner will be now. 

I excused myself with telling them I was sleepy, and went out of the library. I was planning to take a walk outside. 

When I got to the lake I saw someone. I stopped dead when I realized who it was. Malfoy.   
Malfoy turned around as if he’d been hit in the head by a rock. He stared horrified at me. 

“What are you doing here Potter?” he spit out.   
“Just taking a walk, what, do the Malfoy’s own the ground here?” I spat back, just as unfriendly as he was. 

Malfoy snorted and got up on his feet. He had actually been sitting pretty calmly and just stared at the lake when I arrived, now he was like a wind full of emotions. I could almost see how he was fighting with himself over something. Something I didn’t know.   
But it’s not like I would care about his problems, but it got me wondering when he abruptly turned around and fled the scene.


	6. My friend in the box

-Draco’s pov-

I hurried back to the castle. I can’t believe Harry was there. He saw me. I hadn’t even time to put out my Malfoy mask. He saw right through me. Calm down Daco, he probably doesn’t care at all, I convinced myself. 

I continued walking until I saw a Ravenclaw in the other end of the corridor. I knew she was a veela. Winter, I think her name is. Both could feel the rivalry between us. It’s only natural. We’re both submissive, it means that we’re both out after the same thing, but I wasn’t in the mood to talk to her, I just passed and felt her glare at my back as I disappeared around a corner. 

-Harry’s pov-

I slowly went up after Malfoy to the castle. What had happened? Malfoy was certainly acting strange. He’s been strange the whole day. Actually, He’s been strange ever since I saw him alone in a cabin in the train. Why wasn’t he with his fellow Slytherins? I  
didn’t get much time to think about that as I met Hanna in the hall. I decided that I could at least talk to her. She looked like a really nice girl. 

“Hi, you’re Hanna Winter, right?” I said as I approached her.  
“Yes, and you must be Harry Potter.” she answered with a greeting.  
I nodded.  
“Would you like to come with me to the greenhouse? My friend is sick and there’s a cure there, madam Pomfrey asked me to go and get it.” she said.  
A walk with Hanna wouldn’t hurt anyone. I thought and accepted. 

“So, you’re the great and mighty Gryffindor everyone is talking about?” she asked.  
“Well, take away the great and mighty.” I responded.  
“Not liking the fame?” the looked concerned.  
“Well, it’s nothing I asked for. I would like it more if I was just Harry.” I said. For some reason, it was pretty easy talking to Hanna.  
We connected rather good. I’ve learned tons about her in just one walk. She lived with her veela mother on the country side. Her best friend was a horse at home. He’s name was Breavy, and she’d received him when her father died. 

I discovered that I could more easily talk to her about things that had been really hard to tell others. Like the Dursleys. 

It was dark outside when he returned to the Gryffindor tower. Ron questioned where he’d been but he just said that he couldn’t sleep so he took a walk. Ron informed him that he and Hermione hadn’t found Hanna but they’ll surely find her tomorrow and see how her personality is. 

Hanna and I had already decided that they’ll go to Hogsmeade together this coming weekend.  
\--  
Said and done. one o’clock on Saturday I was walking besides Hanna on our way to Hogsmeade. Hermione and Ron had been happy for me, they had concluded that Hanna was a good girl and they liked her. 

I hadn’t thought much about Malfoy this passing week. He hadn’t actually bothered me at all, which I found weird, considering it’s Malfoy we’re talking about. But I was fine with it, off course I was more than fine with it, if just Malfoy could keep it up and stay out of my way the rest of the school year everything would be perfect. 

Hanna and I entered Honeydukes and bought tons of candy and sweets. I discovered that she had quite a sweet tooth, but that just added to her charm. I found myself enjoying her company as we talked about everything we could come up with. It turned out that she despised Snapes lessons just as much as I do. 

It was a fun and almost perfect time until we met someone. Someone I didn’t want to meet and I doubted Hanna wanted to meet either. Malfoy. 

He always shows up where he’s least wanted doesn’t he? We were on our way to the castle when Malfoy walked out of the forbidden forest and on to the path we were walking on. I decided that the easiest way was to just ignore him, but when he had just come alongside of us he couldn’t keep his mouth shut could he?

“I see that you without parents like to be together, soon you can start a club. Just missing Longbottom , Lovegood and some other who’s parents didn’t stand them.” he said. 

It really got me. I could feel the hatred and rage boiling up inside of me. He crossed a line. He had always made fun of me being an orphan, and I’d hated it. But now, he didn’t just made fun of me, but of Hanna, Neville and Luna too. I couldn’t forgive him for something like that!

I turned to face him and the next thing I knew was that Malfoy laid down under me covered in his own blood.  
I didn’t stop until Hanna grabbed my arms and begged me to, only then did I leave the crying boy. 

-Draco’s pov-

I saw them again. During the whole week they had been lovely dovely and all that. I couldn’t stand it. I knew it was for the best, if Potter came to love someone else the none existent chance of him loving me would be even smaller, yet I couldn’t except it. I spent the nights restless without being able to sleep, I ate even less than I already did. 

When I looked into a mirror I saw a walking skeleton, off course, it was a beautiful walking skeleton thanks to my veela side, but still, a walking skeleton. I was way too small and you could count my ribs.  
It was heart wrecking seeing them together. 

Sunday came and I had nothing to do. The other Slytherins had fast learnt the fact that I didn’t want anything to do with them and they kept away. Probably because of the horrible things I said to them when they tried to talk to me. 

I decided to take a walk in the forbidden forest. I had been terrified of the forest since my visit there in my first grade, but now I actually hoped that something would jump at me and end my miserable life. 

When nothing happened and the forest was as quiet as a forest could be, I lost interest. I headed back to the castle. Just my luck to stumble upon Potter and that Winter girl on my way there. My anger took the better of me and I said some things I probably shouldn’t, considering father probably would be pretty mad at me for starting such a severe fight in school, but then again, if Potter killed me I wouldn’t loose so much now would I, and on top of that, the more he hates me the better, right? It was with tears in my eyes I went up and deliberately hurt the man who means the world to me. 

He hit me senseless, I was almost sure that I would die. But I didn’t, that Winter girl stopped him, and they left.  
I lied there, drowned in blood and miserable. I got up on unsteady legs. I didn’t want anyone to notice me. I hid under my robe and headed down to the dungeons. When I was there, I took a med kit I had and a small box with me and went up to the astronomy tower. 

Me being here wasn’t unusual. It wasn’t unusual at all. I used to go here all the time for the past years. I stopped the bleeding from my nose with a spell and put a band aid on my left cheek. 

I looked at the little box. A friend of mine since last year. I opened it. The metal shined in the sunlight. I took off my robe. The scars on my wrists blended in with the other scars on my body, some still wounds. I had a wound on my stomach since two weeks ago, and one on my inner thigh since nine days ago… I really want to die. I lifted the sharp object and held it against my wrist. Father always told me suicide was weak, that suicide would be the greatest of humiliations for the Malfoy family. But he never said anything about self harm. Why would be? He was the maker of atleast a quarter of all my scars. He didn’t care if some of the scars was made by me. 

The well known red liquid dripped down my arm. I couldn’t stop myself, I watched in horror how I cut deeper and deeper, desperate to die. What if father notices? I cried to myself. Fuck him, another me said. Isn’t it the greatest payback? Doing what you know is the worst thing you could do to hurt his Malfoy pride, while not being alive to receive a punishment. To do what you always wanted and just die, while making your father angry. 

Draco dropped the blade, knowing that he would die if he just waited a while longer. His eyelids felt heavy. He soon fell into a deep slumber.


	7. Too light

-Harry’s pov-

I was so fucking mad I couldn’t think clearly. I said goodbye to Hanna, I didn’t want her to spend time with me when I’m like this. I knew the dorm was empty now, everyone was at Hogsmeade, probably stuffing themselves full with butterbeer. 

I threw myself at the bed once I got up to the room. What was the problem with Malfoy anyway? He didn’t bother me at all, and now he suddenly throws out something like that, and he didn’t even try to defend himself when I knocked him down. He’s probably in the hospital wing by now, that nose didn’t look good, neither did that wound on his cheek. 

Harry took out the maraunders map and said the password: ‘I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.’

It showed malfoy’s name. But not in the place I expected. Frowning, I studied the name in the astronomy tower. What could he be doing up there? 

I decided to find out. I took the invisibility cloak and headed to the astronomy tower, wondering what mischief he could be planning, while a little Hermione sounding voice in my head added ‘Don’t be silly, what kind of mischief could he possibly be planning with his nose broken and probably some ribs too?’

I decided to ignore my imaginative Hermione and continued upwards the tower. When I opened the door the room was quiet. Almost too quiet. He was here, I had seen it on the map, clearly. 

It was then I saw it. Malfoy lying on the floor in a pool of blood, his wrist was full of cuts. I backed a step. Horrified. It took around five to ten minutes to carry the bloody boy in my arms to the hospital wing. I had trained pretty much this summer and had a very good body, I also had my height as a advantage. On the other hand, Malfoy was way too thin and fragile. The first thing I discovered when I lifted him from the ground was how unhealthy thin he was, and how pale. Malfoy was normally pale, but not like this. He was like a ghost. There were dark circles under his eyes. How could I’ve not had noticed them before? 

Madam Pomfrey took this with great seriousness, showing how this was not a joke, the boy was barely hanging on to life. He could die any moment.

I was directed to put him down on a bed and Pomfrey removed the shirts, I’d left Malfoy’s robe lying on the floor where I found it. 

I couldn’t believe what I saw. Everywhere, everywhere was scars and wounds. Hundreds on the wrists, stomach, chest, shoulders. Probably back and legs too, but I couldn’t see. Pomfrey wasted no time and begun telling one spell after another in an incredible speed. Soon had the bleeding stopped and the hideous large wounds was just thin white lines across his wrists, like so many others. 

What could have happened? Who would possibly do such a thing to another human? Sure, I wasn’t the biggest fan of Malfoy, but even I could straight up say that no one deserved this. 

It looks like Pomfrey now has gone over to fix some internal damages as she waved her wand over Malfoy and his chest started glowing blue. You could see some black and red dots on the blue, and Pomfrey immediately fixed it. Then she went over the rest of his body with her wand. It was scary how much red and black there was, how much scars and how much wrongs there where with his body. 

What the hell had this boy been through?


	8. Confession

-Draco’s pov-

Am I in heaven already? No, that can’t be. I’m a screw up, I deserve hell, but then, what is all the light? I slowly opened my eyes, only to find the most intensive green I’ve ever seen. The eyes looked upon me, I couldn’t read the look. But I knew who’s eyes it is. Like I’ll ever be able to forget. Harry. My Harry. No, not my. Never my. Just Potter. 

Potter was staring down at me. This has to be death. Why else would he look at me without hatred in his eyes?  
I stared back. I believed this was a dream, until the pain shot back.

I could feel it. Headache, legs, arms, chest, everywhere. I closed my eyes in pain and twisted in the bed. I heard Potters worried voice calling someone. I wasn’t sure who. I couldn’t hear clearly. 

Someone put something cold against my lips. I parted them, the person clearly wanted me to. Then some kind of fluid ran down my throat. It was cold and soft and felt like silk, but the taste was awful. It was horrible. I started coughing just to experience more pain, but then, it stopped. The pain stopped. Must be the potion I reminded myself. 

I opened my eyes a second time and could now find another person, madam Pomfrey. I looked around. I was in the hospital wing. I looked down. I was wearing hospital clothes. My eyes shot up in horror. The clothing did not have any arms. My scars were visible. Potter was here. He had definitely seen them! I hurriedly hid my arms under the blanket. 

“It’s alright Malfoy.” Potter said, looking at me in concern. No, Potter couldn’t be here, he couldn’t see this. I couldn’t be here, I couldn’t be alive!  
“NO, leave!” I screamed. Potter was obviously taken back when he looked at me with surprise in his eyes. I don’t want to se him, I can’t se him, I can’t want to se him. I turned my head away. Never would I give in. Not when I’m this close to death. Oh no, death. Suicide, father!

“Have you told my father?!” I almost screamed out in the infirmary.  
Pomfrey looked curiously but severe at me. “No, we haven’t informed Mr. Malfoy yet since you’re no longer in critical condition, but a conversation with him is unavoidable. Just look at you boy, it was great luck that Mr. Potter found you.” she said. 

I knew how I looked, I knew how they mush think that the right thing to do was to tell my caring father and mother.. But they were wrong. Telling my father would mean terrible thing, and was it Potter who saved my life? Why?

“Don’t.” I said and my voice was weak. No use keeping up the Malfoy mask now. 

“Don’t tell him please.” Tears found their way down my cheeks. They were accompanied with more and soon I sat there sobbing and crying. 

Pomfrey gave Potter a look and told him to stay with me and make sure nothing happened while she went to get Dumbledore. This was way to serious for to not inform the headmaster. I wanted to protest, but she had already left. 

“Malfoy…” Potter started. I looked up in those wonderful eyes. “What happened? Why do you…” he couldn’t finish, so I bitterly finished for him. “Look like this?” 

He just simply nodded as an answer.  
I crawled deeper under the blanket. It was never meant to be like this. If just not that stupid Potter had found me. Then everything would be perfect.

“You idiot!” I snapped. Pulling away the blanket. I was furious. He just had to come in and ruin it. First he ruins my life and then he ruins my death?  
“Why couldn’t you just leave me to die?! Didn’t it fucking occur to you that I wanted to die!?!?” I screamed. Fortunately, there were no one else present in the hospital wing. 

Potter looked confused. “You’re… angry?”  
“Yes I’m bloody angry!” I yelled back.  
“I couldn’t just leave you there!” Potter said to his defence.  
“Yes you could! You hate me, remember?”  
“Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I would just let you die!” he got pretty fired up too.  
“But I clearly wanted to! I don’t want to look at you with that stupid girl clinging around you, I don’t want to look at those stupid glasses and green eyes. I hate you! I hate everything! I hate everything!” 

It was quiet for a while.

“You… hate my glasses? You take suicide for hating my glasses?” 

I give up. He’s a complete idiot. “No! I don’t try to take my life for hating your fucking glasses, I take suicide for not hating fucking you!” 

He looked if possible even more confused. Until he got a doubtful look. “Malfoy, you’re a veela, and you hate me. But if you’re now saying you’re taking suicide for not hating me. Could it be…”  
I wanted to disappear. Well, I’ve wanted to disappear for almost whole my life, but this was just silly. My face was so red I seriously thought it was going to explode. I don’t want him to know. Idon’twanthimtoknow,Idon’twanthimtoknow,Idon’twanthimtoknow. He knows… I could see it in his eyes. He knows. 

“Could it be… You’ve mated? With me?”  
I didn’t respond. But in not responding I gave him a sort of response. My silence gave him all the assurance he needed. “But that’s silly, you despite me, can’t stand me. I can’t stand you and that’s the way it’s always been. You’re an awful mean little git. Why would you…” he grew quiet. He couldn’t figure it out. 

“I’ll die.” I said. Looking him right in to the eyes. “I’ll die, Potter… Falling in love with you would secure my death.”  
He looked horrified. “You’re using me to die?” he sounded doubtful.

A small laugh slipped through my lips. “Ironic isn’t it? Please Potter, just pretend nothing happened.” I said.

-Harry’s pov-

Pretend like nothing happened?! How the FUCK would I be able to pretend like nothing happened?!?! Malfoy was looking at me with tired grey eyes. They had lost its sparkle. They were dull, unseeingly, unfocused in front of him. 

“I can’t do that!” I said. Malfoy’s eyes snapped back focus and looked at me.  
“Yes you can. I don’t need you meddling in my busness. You weren’t supposed to save me in the first place! I don’t want you here.”

“Malfoy, you’re seriously telling me to butt off now?”  
“Yes! I am! What would you be able to do for me anyways? I’m going to die in almost two months, and there’s nothing you can do about it, so do as you kindly suggested, butt off!” 

I didn’t have anything to say against it. There was only one way I could truly save him, and that would be to make him my mate too. But he clearly didn’t want that, and I absolutely didn’t want that. I wasn’t gay. I didn’t even like Malfoy. Yeah, I do think that all the scars are something no one should have on their body, but I still didn’t like Malfoy, and it was just a little more than four hours ago that he said those horrible things, so why was I still here? I didn’t know. But just in that moment the doors opened and Pomfrey entered with the company of Dumbledore and Professor Snape.


	9. With Potter

-Harry’s pov- 

“Where HAVE you been! Don't you know how worried we were?” Hermione stormed towards me.  
“When Hanna told me what you did we’ve constantly been searching for you! It’s been five hours! FIVE HOURS!”

I lift my hands up in defence. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”  
Hermione looked really angry, but she didn’t say anything. 

The next person to talk was Ron, he came running after Hermione. “Is it true? You really gave that prat what he deserved? Blood and all?”  
His face was all lit up.  
“It’s NOT a good thing Ron! Harry might get expelled!”  
They both looked at me, probably waiting for me to tell them if it was true or not.  
“Well, he did say some nasty things…” I begun. That was enough. Hermione was like a globe of rage as she pulled me in my arm towards the Gryffindor tower. 

I had been thrown out, or, more precisely, Dumbledore had told me that he deeded to talk to Malfoy alone with Professor Snape. 

-Draco’s pov-

I watched as Potter left the room. I wanted to scream after him, tell him to stay. Tell him to hold me. I wanted him to say that everything is going to be alright. But he wont. He wont hold me and he wont stay. He hates me. This is a burden for him. I knew that, and that’s why I was able to hold the last parts of my destroyed fake pride and didn’t yell after him. 

“We’ve heard some rather, bad things from madam Pomfrey here.” Professor Dumbledore begun.  
“She said you’ve been through some difficult times.” he continued.  
“Is it true? Have someone hurt you?” Snape looked furious. I sneered. My godfather. He didn’t know anything. Every time we visited us father got me up from the dungeons and patched me up as good as he could. Then it was my time playing the adorable son.  
Snape was always pretty kind to me when I was a child. He used to give me stuff and told interesting stories. 

Well, in school he often ignored me. When I got older he stopped smile at me and started raising me inside of the school walls. He got mad at me when I did wrong, not as severe as father was, but he showed me the correct way. He never got mad at me in front of others. Especially Potter. He always praised me. It was when we were alone he showed me how to do things.  
In many ways he were more like a father than Lucius ever was. He never hurt me. 

Now he looked really upset. He never knew about my scars. 

He grabbed my arm under the blanket and pulled it out, visible for both him and professor Dumbledore to see. I tried to it pull back, I didn’t want them to see. 

“I believe he has a eating disorder.” Pomfrey said. Why can’t she just shut up and fix me without letting everyone know? I didn’t need to see their pitying faces. It’s not like they’ll be able to help me. 

I looked away. Unable do look into Snapes disbelieving eyes.  
“It can’t be right. Draco here isn’t such a weak person.” he said. It only made my heart ache. 

Snape stared at my arm. “How, Draco? How can it be that your arm looks like this?” 

I finally looked at him. “Father…” I finally got out. “I disappointed father.” 

Everyone looked puzzled with my statement. So I continued. “I’ve… always disappointed father. I deserve what have been done to me. This isn’t something new. Some of this scars are maybe eleven years old.” 

“So you mean… That Lucius made this?” Snape said.  
“Not only father, there were others. I never got to know their names. They were always covered in black cloaks. They punished me.” I said without any feelings. My eyes had lost its focus and I wanted to just disappear, to just not be here. 

“Why where they punishing you?” Dumbledore asked. He had a calming voice. Not shocked like Snapes and not hurried like Pomfreys. But just calm. 

“I’m a bad child. I’ve never done anything right. I’m not good at keeping my feelings inside, like a Malfoy should. I’m born a submissive veela, that’s not acceptable. Malfoys must be dominants. They must be. Once I said father was wrong about something and…” I didn’t continue that sentence. They now knew as much as I allowed myself to tell them. I wouldn’t tell them anything more.  
\--  
They left and I was alone except for madam Pomfrey for the rest of the night. The very next day I was alone too. But the day after that, Dumbledore had ordered for me to be in his office. 

I didn’t know what to expect. All my wounds was healed and there was no more reason for me to stay in the infirmary. Pomfrey was worried about my eating disorder but I was just throwing up when ever she wanted me to eat more than my stomach allowed, and it wasn’t much it allowed. 

The corridors was empty, well, everyone was probably at lunch by now. Dumbledore, Snape, McGonagall and Potter was the only ones who ate earlier than everyone else so they could be in the meeting now. 

McGonagall was waiting outside of the gargoyle griffin. She nodded when I arrived and said a password. I didn’t bother remembering it, since I had no plans of coming back here anytime soon.  
The room was light and cosy. Not that I put any attention to it. I just stared at the three characters already in the room. Potter, Snape and Dumbledore. 

“So, Mr. Malfoy. I’ve made a decision for you.” Dumbledore said. It was obvious how no one else in the room knew what he was about to say, since they stared just as intensive as I did at the headmaster. 

“I think that you need a break. We have not informed your father about… recent events, since he seems to be a part of a really bad influence. I think you should spend some time alone… with Harry.” Dumbledore said. 

It sank in, Dumbledore wanted… me to… spend time with Potter?  
“I have come to know, that you have mated with Harry here.” Dumbledore continued. I gave Potter a death glare. He couldn’t keep things to himself now could he? I told him not to care!  
He looked just as surprised as I was. He probably didn't count with this when he told Dumbledore. 

“But Professor…” Potter begun.  
“Let me finish.” Dumbledore said and raised one finger. “It’s not much to be done since we can’t force Harry into such a life decision like mating. But we can at least let you spend some time alone with him. I’m just saying that you should learn to know each other without the influences of your families.” he continued.

“But headmaster, you can’t leave Draco alone with Potter! That’ll break him!” Snape protested. He was not too found of the idea of letting his godson spend time with Potter. 

“I don’t think it will be any harm, and after all, this is a veelas mating process were talking about. We can’t change the fact that Harry is Draco’s mate, and we can’t make Harry mate with Draco. It’s their own decision. We can’t stop Draco from…” he didn’t say the last word, but everyone knew it. They can’t stop me from dying. 

“But we can let him at least recover a bit. Try to see the happy parts of a life until his time comes. I believe he will find himself happiest in the company of Harry here.” 

McGonigall hadn’t said much, but now she opened her mouth to talk.

“But sir, how about Mr. Potter education? If we leave them Potter’s grades will suffer.”

“I only intend to leave them for two weeks, and under that time they will be home-schooled. I know a place not too long away from here. It’s a house. At the time it’s empty. I thought you could stay there for the vacation. An educator will be present there when you arrive.”

Potter opened his mouth to protest, but Dumbledore cut him off.

“Harry, you do wish to take away the last chance to happiness Draco has?” 

Potter closed his mouth and shook his head. 

“But who said I wanted to be with Potter?” I spilled out. I was mad that they just assumed that I would enjoy the company of Potter. It would be hell. I knew that. I would be tortured about the fact that he will be so close and yet so far away. I would maybe get the will to live, but I don’t want it. I want to die. When father learns what’s happened here… 

“I believe this will be the right decision and nothing can make me change my mind. You’ll spend the next two weeks in the house with only the company of the tutor who’ll only be there during the lessons off the day, and that’s it.”  
Dumbledore’s tone allowed no protests. We all just nodded our heads. His decision was final. 

Well, I’ll just have to avoid Potter. It isn’t that different from my original plan. Just the environment changed, right?


	10. The house

-Harry’s pov-

“So… you’re saying you’ll be LIVING, with MALFOY for TWO WEEKS?!” Ron half screamed.

“Yeah, basically.” They didn’t believe me. Probably thought this was some kind of joke. Draco said he mated with me the first day. It’s been nine days since. Much has happened in nine days… It was Wednesday and Malfoy and I are supposed to go to the house on Friday evening. Which means, it’s two days of freedom before I’ll be put in hell. I didn’t see Dumbledore’s point of view at all. All I could see was me spending time with a nasty (harmed, but nasty) git. He may be in love with me, but he has already shown that he can be just as much of a git, loving me or not. 

Hanna didn’t know about it all. I didn’t want to tell her ether. I don’t want to bother her, but if she’d ask, I would answer truthfully. We had promised to meet up for Hogsmeade again this Sunday, I have to tell her I can’t. 

“You’re sure that there’s no way to make Dumbledore change his mind?” Ron said sceptically while sitting down in one of the armchairs in the Gryffindor common room.  
“Positive, you should have been there. Even Professor McGonagall couldn’t say anything against it.” I was already placed in one of them and Hermione in the last one in the middle.  
Ron let out a sigh. “So… lets see if I got it right. Malfoy, the prat who’s made it his whole-time job to be an arse…, is in love with you?”  
“Pretty much.” 

“I feel for you mate, it’s going be a though time.” 

I simply nodded. Hermione though, chose to think over this deeper than Ron did.  
“But, if you’re telling me he’s in love with you, doesn’t that mean he’ll die?” 

“Yes it does.” I answered.  
It was silent. No one said anything. We’ve all in our whole time at Hogwarts said that we wanted him gone. That he was a nuisance and he’d be better off dead, but now, when he’s actually about to die, we couldn’t say anything. Ron didn’t celebrate like he thought he would the day he got to know that Malfoy died. Even I couldn’t feel anything else than sadness. He was, after all, something that belonged to Hogwarts. He’s someone who’s been here all the time. I had just assumed that we’ll always fight and play tricks at each other. How will life at Hogwarts be without him? 

I sighed. That evening I went to bed early, but couldn’t sleep.

-Draco’s pov-

We we’re walking to the border of Hogwarts. Professor McGonagall is going to apparate us to the house. 

I walked quiet behind her and Potter. They didn’t talk much either. No one knew what would come out of this, except for me. I was determined to avoid Potter at all cost. I can’t let the veela instincts take over. It was silly, the veela part of me just wanted to curl up under his arm, wanted him to pat me on the head, to say that I’m a good boy. I wanted him to protect me against my father, against the dark dressed men. Against everything I hate in this world, but I knew that that’ll never happen. Ever. 

It was only a miracle that I could contain the veela instincts. I have to really avoid him. Me, him, alone, in a house… No good can come out of this. 

I sighed and suddenly McGonagall and Potter stopped.  
“We’re here, now we can apparate.” she said. Professor McGonnagall held out her arms and I took one while Potter took the other. We looked each other in the eyes while McGonagall apparated. 

At first I didn’t feel anything. But then it hit me like a bomb. My stomach turned and I could feel it coming up my throat. My legs bent under me and I fell on to my hands while I vomited.

I felt really sick. I could barely think. Potter was swaying too where he stood, but nothing more. McGonagall looked concerned at me.

We waited a while until I regain some strength, but Potter had to support me when we walked.  
“Maybe we should have used a portkey or something like that, doesn’t look like your body is ready to pull off such a thing just yet.” she said.

We were in the middle of a forest, it was grand and beautiful. The trees were some of the highest trees I’ve ever seen and all around us I heard birds and the wisper of the wind. It was a very peaceful place. Once we rounded a big bush I could see it, the house. It wasn’t something grand like my fathers mansion, but not a rat hole either. It looked cosy with the winding plants climbing against the walls. 

I looked at Potter. With him supporting me we were just some inches apart. My whole being revolted. He looked overjoyed at the sight of the house we would be spending time in. 

I forced my gaze to the ground the second Potter looked back at me. I felt him study me.  
“What are you looking at, you prat!?” I spat.  
Potter’s tender face grew hard and he released me. I fell to my knees before I came stumbling up on my shaky legs. McGonagall was several steps ahead and did not hear what happened here.

“You listen carefully, during our stay here I don’t want to hear your ridiculous insults, get it?”

I sneered. Potter’s mad. Good. I don’t want him to look kind. I don’t want him to smile in front of me. It’ll make me want him not to smile in front of others. 

“You don’t decide what I’ll do and what I’ll not do!” I said.  
Potter grabbed my collar and pulled me toward to him. I just wanted to flinch. My veela feelings told me to surrender to his power. To do as he said, to understand that he is the boss. But I ignored it. I didn’t want to look weak. Maybe it was years of training from my father, but I didn’t want him to have powers over me. I yanked his hand off me.  
“Don’t you dare touch me!” I said. Potter just stared at me before turning around and followed McGonagall.  
It was then I remembered I had a bit of a problem with my legs. I grabbed a nearby stick to support me with. When I caught up with the others they were already in the house. It was a bit dusty but it didn’t look abandoned. Someone has been here recently, or maybe still is here.

“Welcome!” said a voice behind me. I jumped and turned around. The man had showed up from nowhere! 

He was tall and dark haired, brown eyes and dressed in a blue shirt and jeans. Typical muggle clothes. Is he the teacher?

“My name is Adam Blythe. I am going to educate you during your stay here. I just wanted to introduce myself, we’re going to have the fist lesson on Monday.”  
I shook his hand as Potter and McGonagall entered the hall from a room longer in. 

“I see you’ve met our Draco Malfoy here.” she said. “And this is Harry Potter.” she added. They shook hand and McGonagall announced that there will be tea ready soon in the kitchen.

I decided I’ll take a look at my room. It’s supposed to be the first one to the right upstairs. 

The room was dusty like the rest of the house. The bed was small since I’ve always felt safer in a smaller bed, because of certain reasons from my childhood. A small table was besides the bed with a lamp on. 

The other furniture in my room was a writing desk, a clock, a drawer and two chairs and a table.  
Not as grand as my room in the mansion was, but it was all I deeded. I would rather be here than there even if I had to live in a cupboard. 

The tea was served around seven o’clock. We had already eaten all our meals at the castle so this was just a snack. Cookies and bread were served along the tea. I didn’t know McGonagall knew how to do house chores, but the kitchen looked much cleaner than it did before. 

“So, this is your new teacher, professor Blythe. He’ll be teaching you in all the school subjects.”

I looked impressively at Blythe. He couldn’t be much over 30. How would he know how to teach all the subjects? 

“Yes, I’ll be teaching you from now on. Nice to meet you Potter, Malfoy.”  
I nicked as greeting. 

The conversation continued at the table but I did not take part of it. I just sat there looking into nothing. My tea was cold by now and I hadn’t touched it, I hadn’t touched anything else on the plate either. 

“I’m feeling tired, I should go to sleep.” I said, standing up.

McGonagall looked surprisingly at me.  
“The clock is barely half eight, are you sure?”  
“I still feel dizzy since the apparation thing.” I said. It wasn’t a total lie, I had a faint headache left, but my legs had gone steady and my stomach was normal. 

I left the kitchen and went up to my room. All my things were already nicely put in the drawer, and on top of it were some of my favourite books. I changed to my pyjamas and went to bed. Not expecting a good nights sleep.


	11. Nightmare

-Harry’s pov-

I heard a piercing scream shot through the air.  
I got right up, out, and into Malfoys room in a matter of seconds. He laid there, twisting in his bed. It was a miracle that he wasn’t awake. His whole body was covered in sweat and the blanket was down with the pillows on the floor. I ran to Malfoy’s side and shook him violently at the shoulders. Malfoy was breathing fast and heavily as he screamed: “Stop! Don’t touch me! Go away!” His eyes were drained in tears as I desperately tried to wake him. At last he took a big breath and opened his eyes, full of fear. 

“Malfoy?” I said worried and frowned.  
He looked up at me with the most intense eyes I’ve ever seen. The grey was glowing into the night.  
He desperately clung to my arms while whispering Harry. I got down on my knees besides his bed and he clung to me like I was a lifebuoy. His nails were digging into my back but I couldn’t just shake him off. What could have happened to send him into such a state of panic? 

Malfoys forhead was resting agains my chest as I felt his breath slow down and his arms lose strength. 

“Malfoy, what-”  
“Draco… Call me Draco… Malfoy isn’t me. Malfoy is my father. Malfoy is the son my father wanted. Not me.” he said and then he fell asleep in my arms. 

What am I supposed to do now? I asked myself. Draco was clinging on to me like his life depended on it, even if he was asleep. His muscles were not tense, but I still got the impression that he needed me to be here. I put down the sleeping boy in the bed and held his hand. This was a one time thing, I told myself. When that prat wakes up I’ll have to talk to him. 

That night I slept in one of the most uncomfortable positions I’ve ever slept in. I was sitting on the floor with my head on the bed and my hand in Draco’s. 

-Draco’s pov-

This night was one of the best nights I’ve had for a long time, was the first thing I thought when I regain consciousness. Then I remembered my terrible dream. It was one of the worst I’ve had for years. Probably from the tension of doing something I knew father would punish me for. But then, how can I feel so great now? Usually I feel like crap after such a night but now… 

I begun to move slightly. What’s that? I felt something in my hand. I opened my eyes and couldn’t believe what I saw. Potter?! Potter sat besides my bed looking peacefully asleep. He’s here, right besides me. This isn’t a dream, right? 

I took the liberty to reach his hair with the hand that was not in his. His black hair was softer than I could ever imagine. It felt like silk to my hands. I wanted to just feel it the rest of my life. But then he yawned and opened his eyes. 

“Were you just touching my hair?” he asked.  
My face turned red and I turned my face against the wall. “No!” I said, trying not to let the embarrassment show. “Why are you even in my room!?” I then asked. 

“I am in your room because YOU couldn’t seem to sleep.” he said. “You were screaming and twisting, I couldn’t sleep because of you.” 

Had I waken him up? “Sorry.” I just said. Malfoy’s never said sorry, or thank you. But I knew how I could be when I had a nightmare. I used to put a silencing charm over my bed when I went to sleep at Hogwarts for to not wake up anyone when I had my nightmares. I must have forgotten it.  
“How do you feel?” Potter asked. Did he really want to know? Or did he just ask because he felt like it was expected from him?

“I’m fine, really.” I said. I didn’t want to concern Potter. After all, my life had nothing to do with him anyways. He didn’t need to know how I truly felt. How miserable I was all the time. But the fact that he had not yet pulled out his hand from mine made me actually feel very good. 

“You were screaming things like stop, go away, don’t touch me, let me go.” Potter said. “Draco, are you sure you’re okay?” 

I flinched. Did he just call me… Draco? He’d never called me Draco before. I just nodded a response and Potter got up. “Good, then I’ll go and prepare breakfast. You can take a shower until it’s done.” I simply just nodded again as I got up, grabbed a towel and went for the bathroom.


	12. What if I told him?

-Harry’s pov-

I heard the sound of the shower as I went down the stairs. I couldn’t stop thinking about what’s happened lately. The mean git seems to come out less and less lately. Maybe Draco is really about to change? Maybe I can really save him. Not that he deserves me helping him. He has always been such a jerk. Always calling Hermione mudblood and Ron weasel. But then, how kind have we been to him? We call him ferret. That’s is just as bad as weasel. 

Yesterday, what happened? It didn’t even resemble the Draco I knew at all. It was like staring at another person. 

He entered the room. Draco wore a white shirt with black pants and a black robe. His hair was wet and he looked awkward. He probably didn’t know what to do when he’d made me sleep sitting on the floor the whole night. I gave him a small smile and put the bacon and eggs I prepared on the table. 

“Breakfast’s ready.” I said. He nodded and sat down on one of the chairs.

McGonagall and professor Blythe had left not short after Draco had gone to bed.  
Wait, Draco? When did I start addressing him as Draco? Ah… ‘Draco… Call me Draco… Malfoy isn’t me. Malfoy is my father. Malfoy is the son my father wanted. Not me.’  
He said that, didn’t he? Yes he did. What did he mean by that? Was he not the son his father wanted? Ha! He’s a spitting image of his bloody father, how could he not be? 

After breakfast I took a run outside. I really liked the nature here and the paths around the house were very good. I liked keeping my shape good. Come of think of it, Draco was really slim. I mean, before he got with this eating disorder. I noticed it at breakfast. He barely ate anything. I was forced to make him eat at least half of the portion. It was almost as much as a child eats.  
\--  
The first day was uneventful. Draco had gone to his room and stayed there. I checked on him once and he was reading a book on his bed. 

Now it’s time for dinner and I went up to tell him. He was still on his bed reading. Had he seriously been doing that the whole day?  
“Hey, it’s dinner.” I said.  
“I don’t want any.” he said absent-minded.  
“You have to eat something!” I protested. He just shook his head and went back to his book. This is starting to get on my nerves. Is he really going to be like this? Locking himself up in his room and eat as little as possible? Is he really that stupid? I don’t have a clue to what has happened to him, or, a clue I have, but nothing more. He can’t continue like this. He has to at least eat! 

I went up to him and grabbed the book, threw it across the room and took his shoulers and bushed him down into the bed, hard. “Why are you so fucking impossible?!” 

-Draco’s pov- 

He said something, but I couldn’t think straight. I closed my eyes tight. I can feel the hands push me down. The panic started to dwell up. I no longer remembered the fact that it was Potters hands. I just felt them, pushing me down. Not again, leave me alone!

-Harry’s pov-

Suddenly Draco started kicking and hitting everything around him, I was startled and moved back some steps. Draco got up from the bed. His eyes were sparkling with fear, just like last night. He didn’t seem to see clear. He didn’t look at me. He ran to the door and threw it open before darting out and down the stairs. I hurried after him, scared that I might lose him when he’s in this state of mind. 

Draco went outside and ran into the forest. I was both physically stronger and faster, I caught up with him and grabbed his arm, resulting in him turning around and fall against me. I catched him in my arms. He kept resisting but I wouldn’t budge. “It’s me, Harry. I wont hurt you!” I told him. At last he seemed to calm down and we sat down on a rock. Draco sat on my lap while I held him close to me, slowly rocking back and forth. “Harry.” he said, as if he needed to assure himself that it was me. His hands gripped my arms as I hugged him. “Don’t leave me, he’ll take me. He’ll get me. I can never escape from him. Only death is my option. He’ll get me…” I hushed him. 

I took the shaking enemy in my arms and carried him back to the house. He really does have some serious problems. No shit, I thought. But somehow, it has never got me how serious it might be. I realised last night that it wasn’t a game… But… I just couldn’t understand it. I didn’t exactly know what he’s been through, even if I’ve seen the scars. I need to talk to him.  
\--  
We sat in the living room, There was two armchairs and a sofa in the middle. We sat on each armchair. 

“Draco… You need to tell me what’s going on. I don’t understand at all. I need to know to be able to help you.” 

“I don’t need your help!” he said.  
“You clearly do!” I countered. He looked angry, but didn’t say anything. He’s had two panic attacks since yesterday, and that’s the most feelings I’ve ever witnessed him showing. Even I could tell that it’s not normal even for him to have two panic attacks on such a short period of time. 

“I…” he begun. “I don’t know what happened, it’s been a while since such a thing happened last. It must be the anxiety of not following my fathers orders. Of not doing as he tells me to do…” 

“Draco, what does your father do to you? More specific?” I asked. The question startled him and his eyes went blank before he opened his mouth. 

“Father punishes me. When I’m bad he punish me.” 

I waited for him to continue, to use more detail. But maybe he can’t. Maybe he can’t bring himself to tell anyone, not even me, who he’s supposed to so deeply love. 

“When… I was a child…” he said quietly. “Around seven years maybe. I had a friend. A very close friend. She was always happy and I loved to be around her. Her father and and mother were muggles. She was a mudblood. Father didn’t like me being with her. He called her disgusting, unworthy me.  
I was so angry. It was the first time I ever disobeyed father. I met her anyways. So father got mad. He kidnapped her and held her hostage in our dungeons for a week. Torturing her, raping her. Doing terrible things to her. Then my father brought her up. 

He put her in front of me. She looked at me with crying eyes, screaming my name, and father told me to choose. Choose her, or him. Choose a perfect life, or a life where my enemy is my father…” he was crying now. “I chose her. I actually did. Mother used to read stories to me about heroes who gives their all to save the people dear to them. I didn’t know then exactly what it would mean to choose her, I just wanted her to live. Father was furious. He ripped her apart and shred the pieces over the room. I saw how her intestines spread across the floor. 

Father got closer to me. Looked me in the eyes and said. ‘You’re a Malfoy. Malfoys does not feel anything towards others. Malfoy’s does not put anyone’s life before their own. You’re a disappointment. You do not deserve to live.’ That was the last time father ever cared for me, ‘cause the same time, father realised that I was a submissive veela.”


	13. A walk

-Harry’s pov-

We decided to take it slow. What he told me… It was awful. I would never have imagined that… He had tried to save someone? Draco Malfoy, the most selfish, idiotic prat I’ve ever met, actually cared for a girl once. Actually put his life at stake to save the girl. I suddenly got a great urge to know more about her. To know more about Draco. What if the Draco I’ve known for the past years wasn’t the real Draco? What if it was a boy who was formed by his father, not himself?

I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I started study him more, his movements, his face, his everything. I noticed things I’ve never seen before. How his eyes flickered slightly every time I do a sudden noise, like he’s on guard for something, and how he always bury his thumb in his hand when he’s nervous. When I realised that thing with his hand I smiled. I saw how he actually was nervous more often than I knew. He could have that bully facade and yet be clenching his hand so hard that I’ll almost think his thumb is going to break, and that almost makes me laugh.

He was out more too. Over the weekend we went for a walk, he always fell behind, but I just waited for him. He was very shy with talking about himself, he usually kept to short answers. But he answered. That’s all I could ask of him. And I was right. He was a different person under what he refers to as the Malfoy mask. He was actually pretty decent. 

We were now walking under the great foliage on a small road not too long away from the house. It was Sunday afternoon and tomorrow our lessons would start. The birds was singing and when I turned my head to look at Draco I noticed that he was actually smiling. He was looking at the foliage and smiled. I realised that I had actually never seen him smile. When he saw me staring his cheeks started blushing and he looked down at the ground. Shy. The real Draco is shy? I laughed at the thought until I saw Draco’s confused face, then I just shook my head and fixed my gaze forwards. 

-Draco’s pov-

I don’t know what has happened. I don’t know anything anymore. I was so sure that I’ll stay away from him and that’ll be it. That he will not bother me if I didn’t bother him. Why did he come for me then? Why has he actually tried to get me to eat? I’ll die anyway. Why do he care? But I’m glad he does. I’m glad that he doesn’t look at me with despite anymore. His gaze isn’t unpleasantly hateful. It’s soft, slightly amused. 

I walked besides him with my gaze at the ground. When did I start open up to him? It had just been three days. Not even that. One evening, one day and a day up until now. I had actually told him about Melonie. I hadn’t been able to stop myself. I had just felt that piercing eyes on me and when I look up, I couldn’t see anything else than real concern. That’s why I told him. A thing I didn’t tell him was exactly how much I blamed myself for her death. It could have been avoided. If I’d just obeyed my father and stopped being with her when he told me to… If I’d just not approached her that first time… If I’d just not started talking to her… It was my fault. It’s because I am the freak my father says I am she died. I hate myself. I hate everything… except Harry. I don’t hate Harry. I love Harry. I’m so sorry that he has to drag around with me this two weeks. I must be troubling him a lot…

“Our lessons begin tomorrow.” Harry said besides me. I looked up. “Yeah.” 

-Harry’s pov-  
It’s kind of hard to talk to him. Not like when I’ with Hanna. When I’m with Hanna the words just flow out. I can talk about anything, but now it’s quiet. I can see how Draco’s knuckles starts to turn white from the force he’s using to clench his hands. He must really be tense. Then I got an idea. What if I only… It could be a sign of friendship couldn’t it? I reached out my hand and grabbed his. This is only for him to be comfortable, I convinced myself. I felt him tighten up a bit, but then relaxed. His small fingers slid through mine and we were actually holding hands as we walked. This must look so wrong, good thing we’re the only ones here. 

-Draco’s pov-

I’m… I’m… holding Harry’s hand. It’s really Harry’s hand, in mine! Why? Why did he do that? I glanced at him. He returned the look with a smile. I smiled shyly back. Why was I so shy? I’ve never been shy around Harry before! I was always big, cocky and mean. What happened? Why does my cheeks burn? I looked down at the ground again. It was actually pretty nice. Feeling the air on my face, walking totally surrounded in green, hearing the water pour in a creek not far from here. I felt… safe. Yes. I felt safe, here, besides Harry, in the middle of nowhere. I was safe. No father, no people in black, no dungeons. No big silk bed… No pain.

I was happy. For the first time since I could remember. I was happy. 

-Harry’s pov-

Now I get it. I can always talk with Hanna. With Hanna I can talk about much. But with Draco, I don’t need to talk. With Draco, it feels amazing to just walk besides him. Maybe someday I’ll tell him everything about me, and he’ll tell me everything about himself. 

I didn’t want to think about anything now. Not about the fact that he is going to die. Not about the fact that we actually barely are friends. I just wanted to walk here, quiet, besides him with my hand in his.


	14. Legilimency and Occlumency

-Harry’s pov-

“Today, we’ll start to learn about the defence of the mind. It’s called Occlumency. We’ll also learn Legilimency. This is nothing to be learnt by fifth graders, but because of special circumstances I’ve been told by headmaster Dumbledore to teach you.”   
I glanced at Draco to see how he reacted to this. As I thought. Draco’s eyes were flickering. He’s probably scared. Maybe he thinks that we’ll intrude on his mind? I looked back at professor Blythe. It was currently nine o’clock in the morning and we were seated on rocks in the woods. Blythe had told us that he liked the weather and we didn’t mind being outside either. It’s beautiful, like always. 

“Okay, so legilimency and Occlumency goes hand in hand. Occlumency is the art to protect ones mind, and legilimency is the art to look into someone else’s. We’re first going to learn Occlumency. Now, I assume you’re prepared to open your minds?” 

At this Draco shook his head violently. 

Professor Blythe frowned. “But I won’t be able to teach you the art if you refuse to let me try.”

“Never, I don’t want anyone in my head. Ever.” Draco said.  
“But then, what if some skilled Legilimens comes along and just penetrates your mind? Wouldn’t you feel safer if you could defend it?”

Draco looked thorn. I saw how he was frightened to death by the thought of having someone in his mind. 

“It doesn’t matter.” he then said. “It doesn’t matter that I can’t protect my mind. I wont be living so long anyways.” He looked up, seriousness covered the blondes face. 

“It doesn’t matter if you’re dying or not. This was professor Dumbledore’s order and if he wants me to teach you I will teach you. With or without your permission.”

-Draco’s pov-

I was horrified. He couldn’t be serious could he? He wouldn’t force his way in to my mind without my permission, right?

“You can’t do that!” I looked at Harry. Shocked. Had he said that? Did Harry stand up for me?

“I can’t what?” 

“You can’t force Draco to do something he doesn’t want. Dumbledore would never allow that!”

“Well he did. He didn’t say the methods I should use, he only said ‘teach them Legilimency and Occlumency’ so that’s what I’m going to do. Don’t hate me for following your headmasters orders. I really like you guys but I wont turn Dumbledore down.” he said. It was quiet a while. I looked at the ground, shaking. Was he really going to go into my mind? Am I prepared for that? No. NO! I’ll never be prepared for that! Just let me die already. 

I turned around and ran. I didn’t know where, I just ran. Forest, forest, forest. That’s all I could see. This was the second time I was running away, and it was the second time Harry ran after. He grabbed me like he’d done once before and held the shaking me like once before. Really, why couldn’t he just leave me alone? Why did he have to be like this. This… kind. Why was he kind? Why did he act like he cared?

“Hey… We’ll figure something out, all right? I wont let him do something you wont allow.” Harry said, and led me back to the place where professor Blythe waited.

“You know…” he begins, as Harry sat down besides me. “Harry could be the one doing the Legilimency thing.” he said. I took a sharp breath. Harry? In my mind? That was almost worse than having a stranger there! What if he truly finds out the madness in me? What if he’s disgusted with what was done to me? What I have done? I don’t want Harry to hate me. That’s ironic, I’ve spent my whole life hating him, and liking him hating me. Now, all I want is his approval. To be near him. But then I was reminded of my death line. How long was it left? One month and a half? Has it really just been two weeks? It felt like months. But then… If Harry saw what had happened to me… If he saw what a fuck up I really was… It would be easier to cope with the time if he just hated me. If he didn’t look at me with those eyes. Those eyes filled with pity. I don’t want him near me. And my mind could definitely fix that. 

So I accepted. I accepted the offer. Harry would be poking around in my head. At least until I got the Occlumency right. I saw that Harry was surprised by my choice. I went in for a nap. Professor Blythe must teach Harry Legilimency before Harry could teach me Occlumency.


	15. In my head

-Harry’s pov-

The rest of the lessons that day was Transformation, DADA, Charm and astronomy. I was really exhausted when I went to bed. I remember the last thing I was thinking was that I hope Draco doesn’t get a nightmare. The day has been hell for him. He looked like he was going to pass out any moment.  
\--  
The very next day Draco had dark circles under his eyes. Well, he usually has dark circles, but today they were bigger. I was really concerned. I still had the memory of the dying Draco on the floor in the astronomy tower. His blood had looked so red, so… scary. I remember that I at that time briefly had thought Draco’s blood was scary. Scary because so much lies on it. If he has too little of it, he’ll die. That so much lies on the red liquid. It was scary because so much of it was outside of his body. Because I was afraid that I had discovered a corpse, and not a still living boy. 

My feelings for him were really making me uneasy. What are we exactly. Acquaintances? Friends? I don’t know. One thing I know is the fact that we’re not enemies anymore. We can’t be after this . I know too much about him. 

I studied Legilimency diligently. I was actually looking forward to knowing Draco a bit more, but at the same time, I was terrified. I knew that there wasn’t going to be pretty things I’ll see. I knew that the fear Draco had was genuine. That it was a really big cause to it. But I wanted to know. Something in me wanted to know everything. It surprised me. Much has surprised me recently. 

I didn’t have that much problems with professorn using Legilimency on me, or well I had, but it wasn’t much I could do about it. I’m feeling guilty about not being able to save Draco from death. If there’s something I can do to ease the last part of his life, I would. And at the moment, this is the only thing I can do.  
\--  
“You’re getting better at it.” Blythe announced on Tuesday the last week. I could feel a smile forming on my lips. “I think you can start with Mr. Malfoy now.” he said a bit more seriously. “But I have to be present in case anything goes wrong.”  
I nodded, returning the serious look. I got up to catch Draco. He was as usual in his room, reading. 

“It’s time. I can try now, says professor Blythe.” I told him. He really looked uncomfortable. I almost pitied him as he slowly got up, looking like all he wanted to do was to run for it, like he’d done before. 

But I wouldn’t let him. I gave him a small, assuring smile and walked close behind him down the stairs, so I would be able to catch him if he’d try to escape again. We both knew that there was no use to run away, even if he’d might try. Draco entered the little glade in the forest where professor Blythe already waited. 

“Okay, so we’ll begin small. Mr. Potter, I want you to sit here.” he said and pointed at a rock. “And Mr. Malfoy, here.” he said and pointed at another rock. We did as told and now we were facing towards each other. We were so close that our legs were almost touching. 

“Mr. Potter. Do as I teached you. Mr. Malfoy, now listen clearly to me.” 

I saw how Draco did everything to avoid looking into my eyes. His gaze went up to the sky, down to his lap, to the left in to the forest, and to the right at professor Blythe. 

“Okay, so when Mr. Potter here will try to enter your mind, you have to empty it. Make it blank. You have to control your emotions and empty everything for Mr. Potter to be unable to see anything.” 

-Draco’s pov- 

I nodded. I had understood what he said. But I didn’t feel confident at all. Could I make it? I’m pretty good at hiding my emotions from my face. I’ve had years of practice. But from my mind? I’ve never found the need to blank my mind. My mind has always been my own and only I have been able to access it. Now I must defend it, from Harry. I finally looked into Harry’s eyes. 

They were so beautifully green… Shock! The shock was great and I wasn’t prepared. I knew I couldn’t be prepared. Harry was penetrating my mind. He saw it. Everything was lying before him. 

I tried desperately to hide it, to restrain. But I must have done wrong because I couldn’t get him out. 

I was naked, lying shackled on the bed while a man was crawling up on me. Touching me. Scratches my skin with his long nails. The man’s tongue was long and snakelike. It was filling my mouth until I didn’t think anything more could fit in. I wanted to throw up. The taste was like death. I had seen what this man usually ate. Human flesh. I could still taste the blood on his tongue. He continued touching me. The wounds left by his nails was bleeding. He penetrated me without a warning. It hurt, like always. I screamed out in the room. No one would save me. I am useless. I am an eyesore. The worst thing I've ever done was being born. I deserve this. This is my punishment for disobeying my father. For trying to save Melonie. For being me. 

Hundreds of memories went before me. I cried at the thought of Harry seeing them too. I didn't want this. But I actually felt relieved. It was weird. I felt relieved, because now Harry knew everything. It was out. It was done. If he'd hate me now, he'd hate me. I can't change that. I can't pretend I'm someone I'm not in front of Harry now. Because he knew. It felt good to know that he knew. That I'm not the only one knowing. That it's out of me and in him too. But it didn't put away the fear. Fear of being rejected, hated. Even if that's what I'd counted with, even if that's what my mind wanted. I knew it wasn't what my heart wanted. My heart wanted to live, my heart wanted Harry. My heart was stupid. It hadn't learned anything at all since the death of Melonie. It was still stupidly naive to think that I could save a person. That I could get what I want in the end. My mind didn't allow that. I didn't deserve to get what I want. I was meaningless and soon dead. 

-Harry's pov-

I just wanted to scream, cover my eyes. I had a suspicion that this might be the case, but to see the memories, to feel the pain and fear that covered Draco's whole being. Now I understood. I understood why Draco was as he was, why he'd done what he'd done to us. Why he was so eager to die. It would be his salvation. His rescue. He didn't trust anyone. He didn't want to trust anyone. He just wanted to be able to die in peace. But he also wanted me. He wanted me so despirately much. Wanted me to hold him, kiss him. To care for him, protect him. During the scenes I saw of the rape on Draco I felt it. The need to protect Draco, telling the snake man to fuck off, that Draco was off limits. That the snake man had no rights to do that. 

I took a deap breath. I didn't mean to go that deep. To look so far into Draco's mind. I looked at Draco. He was shaking and crying. I had seen everything. How he and Melonie had played and laughed together, how her stomach had been ripped open, everything. The last time Draco ever gave a whole heartedly laugh was when he was five years old. Five years old! AI streached out my hand and touched Draco's head. I then took my other hand and pulled the the boy into my embrace. The terrible things he'd been living through. How could he have survived that? I understood why he wanted to die. If his father ever get a hold of him... I didn't want to think about it. Just now all I want was to feel the blonde hair on my chin and his face on my neck. Professor Blythe left us alone for a while.


	16. The lake

-Harry’s pov-  
It’s Friday. The time sure did pass by fast. We’re going back to Hogwarts in two days. Is everything going to go back to normal? Is Draco going to draw back? How is it going to be? I don’t want to lose the friendship we’ve got. I want to continue be able to talk to Draco, I want to make him feel good. To appreciate life, even if he doesn’t have much left. 

We’ve continued with the Legilimency and Occlumency once a day. It was hard on Draco, but he was getting better at it. There’s also something weird I discovered in myself. A craving. I’ve seen Draco’s body through his memories, but never for real. I want to see it. I want to feel his scars, to tell him he’s not ugly. That he’s beautiful. But that would sound wrong wouldn’t it. I also want to feel those lips.  
Don’t get me wrong, it’s nothing like ´that´. It’s just, I see how they’ve violated those red lips. I want Draco to feel how a tender kiss feels like. How it feels like to be touched with gentleness. I shook my head. Why am I thinking this? It’s absolutely gay. Yes, I want to help Draco, but I can’t start kissing him out of the blue. Besides, it would be cruel to him. To kiss him without feelings. What if kissing those lips would disappoint me and I give Draco false hope? 

”You want to go swimming?” I asked him. Draco looked up, shocked.  
-Draco’s pov-  
Swimming? I’ve never learnt how to swim. Why would I learn, it’s not like I’ve had any use for it. But swimming. Swimming means being in water, being in water means swimsuit, swimsuit means nothing more than that. Shirtless… Half of my legs visible. Big no.

“I… I don’t think it’s a good idea…” I said slowly.

“Why? Draco, there will be no one around. Just the two of us, and I don’t mind. You know that. You can trust me.”

Something in Harry’s eyes told me that he meant it. He’s been taking my condition seriously. He’s seriously been trying to help. He’s been focusing on me solely this past weeks. It can’t hurt to do something he wants for once… Right?

“Well… I can’t swim.” I said slowly. Embarrassed by the fact. You’re supposed to be able to swim at the age of sixteen, right?

“Well then, I can teach you!” Harry said with a smile. I smiled back, hoping it didn’t look too nervous.  
\--  
So here we are, I’m covered in a big towel, but I couldn’t go in the water like this. I have to drop it. Harry stands besides me with his towel lying on his shoulder. He was incredibly well built. You could see his muscles clear. 

I started doubting this more and more. I was way to thin. I was disgusting. Surely Harry would notice that. I usually avoid looking at my body, so Harry probably didn’t know it that well, even if he’d seen it when I was… raped. Yes, but seeing my body in reality would probably remind Harry that this is how I look. I’m ugly and too pale, too thin and too scarred. Besides Harrys tanned body, muscular and wonderful body, I’m nothing. 

I’ve always felt ashamed of my body. Harry has been so kind to me, even after what I’ve done and said. I don’t want Harry to hate me… Looking at his body, all I want is to be curled up in his lap and have those strong arms around me. 

But now he looked at me with concern. Like asking me if I was ready. I took a deep breath, and dropped the towel. My hands was around my waist, like trying to cover so much I could of my body. 

Harry didn’t look disgusted. He smiled. He smiled at me and reached out his hand. I slowly took it.  
We started to walk to the water. It was a nice little lake in the forest not long away from the house. I felt the water with my toe. It was pretty warm. The sun shine brightly and I couldn’t see even one cloud. Harry begun walking in to the water and I followed doubtfully. 

-Harry’s pov-

I had to force myself to stay neutral. He was so pretty. When he dropped the towel and let me see his body for the first time I almost gasped. Yes, he was too thin and his body was scarred, but he was beautiful. Maybe it was his veela inheritance. Probably. But he was so… Wonderful. His hair moved in the wind and his eyes glowed intensively. His movements were doubtful and he walked slowly. I held his hand as we entered the water. 

I showed him the basics in swimming but he just sank. This made me laugh and I decided to try to teach him how to float first. After a couple of hours he got the hang of at least acceptable swimming. The sun was almost down and we headed back to the house. I was very hungry so I cooked dinner and we sat down.

Draco poked around in the food like he used to, but in the end I made him eat a bit more than yesterday. It was going forward. Draco was actually recovering. Who knew that my sworn enemy would end up being a very good friend? A very beautiful friend. A friend I happened to have the urge to kiss. Yes, but I would never. It would be way to mean. But I couldn’t stop myself from wondering, how would those lips taste like?


	17. Bedtime

-Harry’s pov-

I brushed my teeth and went to bed. It was pretty late because the dinner took quite a while when Draco ate. Now I was comfortably lying in my bed. 

-Draco’s pov-

I really enjoyed this day. I still feel anxious over the swimming thing, but Harry was a surprisingly good teacher, and not even once did he look at me with loathing like my father does, and my heart jumps just at the thought of it. Harry didn't despite me… He actually wanted to be my friend. Was that even possible? He knew everything about me, and yet… and yet… he didn’t hate me. 

I went to bed. I was really tired after the swimming. After all, I didn’t have so much stamina after almost not eating at all. I fell into a deep sleep.

You disgusting creature, you shouldn't even call yourself a Malfoy! No one will ever love you! Can’t you see that? Do you seriously think that Potter likes you? That he could like a fuck up like you? No one can! It’s impossible! Just impossible! You belong down in the dungeons and nowhere else. Your place in the world is in the dungeon, receiving punishment for your flaws. Potter must hate spending time like this with you. Can’t you see how he forces himself to pretend to like you? Don't you think that it’s something Dumbledore got him to do? Surely you don’t believe that he actually wanted to be here, right? You heard him yourself in Dumbledore’s office! He don’t want to be here, he don’t want to be with you! No one wants to be with you except for those who’re fucking you in the arse! 

I felt it, the rip of the whip tearing my skin. Blood flooded down my back. It hurt, it hurt so much. Of course I was stupid to think that Harry would even like me a little, who would? I’m alone. I’m alone and life isn’t worth living. I was a fool to think for even a second that this life maybe wasn’t so bad after all. I felt another rip. I screamed. Begging him to stop. 

Malfoys don't beg you worthless whore! 

Why is the world shaking? I can’t breathe! It’s dark, it’s dark, it’s dark!! 

With a deep breath I opened my eyes. The world wasn’t shaking, I was. Harry stood over me with worried eyes. He has been shaking me.

“Draco, are you okay?!” he asked.  
I couldn’t do anything else than nod. I had a nightmare again… It hasn’t happened in a while, not since the first night in this house. I looked up at Harry. It wasn’t true was it? What father had said in the dream. He doesn’t hate me does he? If he’d hate me, he wouldn’t want to teach me how to swim. He wouldn’t want me to eat more. 

When Harry saw me calming down he smiled relieved. “Draco, is it okay if I sleep here tonight?” He asked. Wait, did he really ask that? Did he want to sleep here? Why? I just nodded once again. I moved closer to the wall, leaving as much space as possible to Harry. 

-Harry’s pov-

Draco’s bed was very small, it was a miracle that we both fitted. We were so close to each other that we were only some inches apart. Draco was fast asleep. I watched as he slept, hearing his even and calm breath. Why did I find it so fun to watch him sleep? Isn’t that creepy?   
I ignored the thought thinking just for tonight, and continued watching the beautiful blonde sleep.


	18. Picnic

-Draco’s pov-

Wonderfully warm. That was the first thought I had that morning. I was pressed against the wall with an arm around my waist. Who is it? I shortly panicked before I realised it was Harry. Harry was hugging me. It was a so absurd thought that I almost laughed. I decided to enjoy this as long as it lasted. I curled closer to the already close Harry, felt his arms around me, smelt his scent. A scent I didn’t want to forget for the rest of my life. Well, it’s not that long left so it might even be true.

-Harry’s pov-

 

Draco moved closer to me. Was he awake? I couldn’t tell. I hadn’t slept many hours that night. Draco’s scent was everywhere. On the pillow, blanket, sheets… And on himself of course.

I wanted him to turn around. I wanted to see his face, trace his features.

I frowned. What has gotten into me recently? Looking into Draco’s mind… It’s made me weird. It’s made me think about things I’ve never thought of before. Why am I thinking this? Why do it feels so good to hold him? I’ve got this urge to protect him and it’s seriously starting to scare me.

Draco turned around. The sun shone on his eyes making them glow beautifully. How could a person this beautiful be a victim of so evil things? He looked at me, obviously newly awaken.

“Hi.” he said groggy.

“Hi.” I answered in a whisper. Looking at his red lips. Was I really gay? How could that be? I’d clearly felt attracted to Hanna, I liked girls. But… I wasn’t really so sure when I looked at Draco.

“I’ll make breakfast.” I said, getting up and left the room. If I’d stayed any longer I might have done something I would regret.

Tomorrow McGonagall will come to get us back to Hogwarts.

I sighed and prepared some sandwiches. I got an idea. Can’t we have a picnic? That would be pretty fun.

When Draco got down I told him about my idea and he liked it, so we packed our things and went out. Besides the lake we was at yesterday there was a grass field. We made ourselves comfortable and prepared our breakfast. The breeze was nice and the sun shone warmly. I looked at Draco who sat on the opposite end of the picnic blanket.

We ate and talked and just was there. We haven’t done much more than talking during our stay here, but we didn’t need anything more than that. I said something funny and Draco laughed. I realised I liked his laugh. I liked the relaxed way he sat on the blanket, like he didn’t have a worry in the world. When we we’re here, he felt safe. He allowed himself to let go of his mask and just be with me.

Once again I wondered how it would feel like to kiss him, but I pushed the thought away, frustrated.

“I’m happy. Thank you Harry. I never knew the world had such a beautiful place like this. Like the house, the forest… I never knew.”

I looked at Draco. He was smiling. I smiled back.

 

“You’re welcome, I’ve had a great time here with you. You’re by far a much better person than I thought.”

“No I’m not Harry. It’s my fault that I did and said those things. It was all me.”

He looked sad.

“You had to, right? It wasn’t your choice, and you can’t lie to me, Draco. I’ve seen how you felt after saying those things. I’ve seen how you felt all those years. It’s not something you decided. It was something your father decided for you.”

-Draco’s pov-

Is he defending me now? My cheeks hurt, but I couldn’t stop smiling.

“Well, but you didn’t necessarily had to hex my robes to Hufflepuff ones in third year.” he laughed. I remembered that, his reaction had been fun, I’d laugh my ass off at how he tried to turn them back, without succession.

“Well, what can I say, it was a fun sight.” I threw a yellow banana at him. He looked up with a surprised expression, then a grin got over his face and he stood up approaching me.

I got up on my legs too and started running. He followed me, and thanks to his daily training and my lack of it, he caught up pretty easy. He tickled me and I couldn’t stand up, laughing I fell to the ground. We rolled around in the soft grass as we fought. Harry pinned me down, sitting on me with a triumphant grin on his face.

“I won.” he declared.

“This time.” I said.

Harry got off me and reached out his hand. I took it and he helped me up.

We got back to the picnic blanket and ate up the rest of the food. I was surprised how easily I could eat.

I realised that it was actually fun to eat. I didn’t have any reason to leave, I didn’t want to finish food as fast as possible and curl up in my room. No, I wanted to stay here, I wanted the moment to never end. To sit here forever together with Harry.

Harry must have realised that I ate more than usual. Because his face light up and he nodded in appreciation.

We packed up our things and headed back to the house. The rest of the day we spent like every other, talking, playing, reading.

-Harry’s pov-

Sunday. It’s actually Sunday. McGonagall was here and we’re currently packing our things. We’re going to leave. We’re going to enter the real world. Somehow, I’ve come to think about this place as surreal. A fantasy place, and when we return to Hogwarts, things will turn back to the way it used to. Draco’ll go back to the mean git, after all, he can’t let his father know that something’s wrong. Draco is terrified of his father. Draco will do everything he father asks of him, without hesitation. He is afraid. I want to protect him. I really do want to save Draco. I want to hold him… Kiss him… How would it feel? To touch those lips? How would it taste like? Will I ever get a chance to do it? He’ll return to the git! I don’t want that! How can it change it? This might be my last..

We we’re waking to the road leading to the place where McGonagall waited.

I turned around. Draco walked into me. Surprised. I dropped my bags to the ground. Took a firm grip on his shoulders… And pulled him towards me. Our lips met and it was better than I could imagine. The anger I felt when I thought about what the others have been doing to this mouth made me want to erase all left overs.

I kissed him. I kissed Draco and I liked it. A lot. Draco had dropped his bags and stood still. Probably still in shock. But when the shock went and he realised what was happening, he answered to the kiss. Almost desperately. I realised that I was almost as desperate as him. My hand went through his blonde hair and his arms was around my neck.

I slid my tongue along his lip, as if asking for permission, and Draco opened his mouth. Our tongues met and it turned into a long, wet kiss.

After a while I withdraw. I gazed into his eyes. His beautiful eyes. And saw nothing but happiness. Draco was happy. I made him happy. I picked up my bags from the ground and Draco did the same.

We walked a bit awkward besides each other to the waiting professor McGonagall.


	19. Classroom

-Harry’s pov-

We were back at Hogwarts. The school was the same, the forbidden forest was the same, the Whomping willow was the same… Everything was the same except for me. Except for Draco. We were not the same. I glanced at Draco. He was awkwardly walking besides McGonagall. I was walking on her other side. We approached the castle. Was I really in love with Draco? I don’t know, I don’t know how love feels like. I don’t know if I love him or not. The kiss felt amazing. Totally amazing. But he was a dude! A bloke, man a guy!

Could I really love a man?

I was ordered to go to my room and pack up my things. Ron and Hermione was in the common room when I left my bedroom. 

“Harry!” Hermione shouted and hugged me.

“Hi ‘Mione.” I said as I patted her back. She released her hug and backed some steps.

Ron approached me. “How’s your time with Malfoy. Is the git still alive? I hope not.” Ron said.

I felt a sting in my heart at that. Ron still thought Malfoy was that spoiled brat. Well he wasn’t. He wasn’t spoiled, or a brat.

“Ron, how can it be that when your best friend was gone for two weeks all you care about is that good for nothing boy?”

“Can you stop talking about him like that!”

I didn’t mean to say it. Of course they didn’t like Draco after everything he’d done. But we hadn’t been angels toward him either.

They looked at me with confused faces.

“No way… Have you come to like the ferret?” Ron said, surprised.

 

I didn’t say anything. Yeah, I liked him. I liked him a lot. I just nodded. Feeling a faint blush on my cheeks.

“Harry… You know it’s Malfoy we’re talking about, right? He who almost got us caught in first grade, he who told the teachers about Hagrids dragon, and countless more incidents.” Hermione said.

“Yes I know Draco hasn’t been nice to us but-”

“Draco… Did you just call him Draco?!” Ron widened his eyes.

“Yes Draco. That’s his name, right? Look, I know that you don’t like him. But I do. He’s been through a lot more than we knew. He isn’t the prat we’ve known. He is actually pretty kind.”

They looked at me like I’ve just started talking another language.

“Kind? You must have hit your head mate, should we go to madam Pomfrey?”

 

I gave up, they were impossible. I turned around and walked out of the common room. I’ve already put in my clothes, so I thought I might as well find Draco. I want to know how things will be from now on. How will he behave?

-Draco’s pov-

“So… You’ve spent two weeks with Potter and you’re telling me that you’ve got nothing about Potter we can tease him for?”

“Right.” I said. The Malfoy mask was slowly getting back on place. It was almost a month left. A month left of my life. I want to spend that month here, at Hogwarts. Not at the mansion. Father can’t realise that something’s off.

Harry kissed me. Harry fucking Potter kissed me. The person I’ve loved for over a month now kissed me! On the lips, with tongue. Why? Did he like me more than just like? Did he think of us more than friends? No, that can be. Don’t get your hopes up Draco…

I walked with confident steps towards the great hall. It was soon lunch time and Blaise walked besides me.

“I can’t believe it, it was two weeks and you didn’t even pull one prank?” he said dubious.

“That’s right, I’ve had enough of dwelling on that twat. I got better things to do Blaise.” I said. My voice came out calm and it probably sounded bored, like I didn’t care much about it.

We rounded a corner and I saw him. Potter. Harry Potter. The guy I loved, The guy I’ve spent two weeks together with. The guy who kissed me.

I have to play cool. To ignore him. This wasn’t the house. This was reality. Harry can’t change anything here. I can’t change anything here. We have to play our roles.

“Draco!” he called out. No, why did he have to do that? I don’t want to say anything to him. If I have to say anything, it has to be something mean. I don’t want to be mean. Why can’t we just ignore each other? Did he have to force me to be mean?

“What is it Potter?” I spat out, toning the P and the T like I use to.

“I have to talk to you.” he just said, calmly. Why can’t he just shut up? Don’t he get it that I don’t want to be like this?

“I have nothing to say to a git like you. Run along to your weasel and mudblood friends.” I said. It hurt every time I said that word. Mudblood. Melonie. Harry knew. Harry knew that it hurt. He looked at me. I could see the pity in his eyes. He really wanted to talk about something.

“Blaise, you can go.” I said. “But…” he looked at Harry.

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.” I said with a smug grin. Blaise must have thought I would hex Harry or something. He headed first to the Great hall.

I turned around and begun to walk in the direction of a classroom I knew was empty.

Harry closed the door behind us.

 

“Harry… You know you can’t…” he pressed his lips on mine. Wait, what? I was confused. What exactly is happening? Why is Harry kissing me?

“Harry…” I said, trying to get an explanation out of him.

 

“Draco… I think… I think I love you.” he said.

Those five words… Those five words were the most wonderful and fantastic words I’ve ever heard. It wasn’t a dream right? No, all my dreams were nightmares, this has to be true. Did Harry really want a scarred fuck up like me? Could he actually like me?

“I think it started from when I saw you in the astronomy tower. I was so scared at that moment. I thought you were dead. I’ve felt so weird this past days. I couldn’t understand why. But Draco, I think I love you. I want to be with you, kiss you, touch you. I get angry when I see what they’ve done to you. I hate them.” Harry said.

Is he really confessing his love to me right now?

-Harry’s pov-

As fast as the words left my mouth I realised how true they were. How perfect they matched my feelings. I don’t care that Draco is a guy. I love him.


	20. Telling

-Draco’s pov-

It was too good to be true. Harry swept me into his arms and kissed me, I wasn’t late to reply. Harry had shown me how amazing it was. This was nothing like that long tongue filled with death, this was soft, delicious. 

Harry’s arms around me felt so perfect. What have I done to deserve this? Nothing, I haven’t done anything to deserve this. I’m not deserving it. But yet, here he is. Holding me like I’m actually precious. 

Harry pulled away, looking into my eyes. “Draco, do you want to be my boyfriend?” he asks. I held my breath. Would Harry really say that? Is this all a prank?

“W… W… Why?” I manage to get out of me. 

“Draco, you’re amazing. You’ve survived in a world many people wouldn’t. You’re kind, you’re smart. Don’t think I don’t know that, after all, you made it pretty clear how good your grades were. Screaming it across the room only so I would be jealous, right? You’re also so… so… beautiful. Your hair is like silk and your eyes are like silver. You’re so much more than you give yourself credit for. Forget what your father has been telling you. You’re perfect. You don’t need to keep up the Malfoy mask, because I will protect you. I’m not going to let anything harm you, I promise.”

“Yes Harry. I want to be your boyfriend.” I said with tears in my eyes. I couldn’t believe why this raven haired guy who could get any veela girl he wants, actually decides to choose me. “It’s… not because you pity me… right?” I said. Unsure if Harry want to be with me because he doesn’t like the fact that I’m dying, or if he really loves me.

“Draco, I wouldn’t throw my life away for someone I don’t love this way. I want you, Draco. Not Hanna, not any other veela, you.” 

Harry made it crystal clear. Could I actually trust this. Yes, I’m going to trust him, I love him, so I’m going to trust him.  
\--  
We were heading to the Great hall. Harry had suggested to not announce it official before we’ve told our friends, so I pretended nothing had happened until later when I was in the common room with Blaise, Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle. They would probably hate me, ignore me, bully me. Well, I can take it. I haven’t been raised by my father for nothing. I knew how to handle with bullies, after all, I was one myself. 

“I’ve … mated.” I begun. Their eyes shone with happiness. They said things like ”Congratulations.” and “Who is she?” and “Is she pretty?”

I took a deep breath, wanting it out of me as fast as possible. “It’s not a she, it’s a he, and that he is Potter. Harry Potter.” I said fast. But they understood. I couldn’t have made it clearer. They stared at me. Wide eyed. 

“Potter?” Pansy said at last. I nodded.  
“You’re actually… In love with Potter?” she continued. I nodded again.  
“Your father… wont be happy.” she said then.  
“I know, I don’t think he has found out yet. But he soon will.” I said. “And I know you don’t like it, I know you probably think, but it’s Potter?! Well, I bloody well know it’s Potter, and it’s your decision if you’re going to accept it or not, but I’m already mated and nothing in this world can change that.” 

“Bloody queer.” Goyle said and got up, Crabbe following him. But Pansy and Blaise stayed. 

“So… You really are gay then?” Blaise said questionably.  
“Well, pretty much. At least gay for Harry.” I said. Pansy just sat there. Probably not knowing what to do. “Are you going to die?” Blaise then said. He knew pretty much about veelas, considering I’ve told him things. He knows that unrequired love for a veela means death.  
“I don't know… I’m actually currently Harry’s boyfriend. He asked me before, when he called me out.” 

“Really… I thought you would draw your wands.”  
“I know. At the house… Much happened. Harry knows things about me no one else does, and I know things about him. I love him, and he has told me, that he loves me.” 

“You believe him?” Pansy asks.

“I do.” I just said. I realised it will be hard for them to take in. After all, I was gay in our worst enemy. And if they don’t come around, they don’t. I have to accept that. After all, friends in Slytherin doesn’t mean much. Relationships in Slytherin doesn’t mean much. But Blaise is different. He can actually be considered a friend. Pansy too, though she was always clingy and I think she had a big crush on me. I think they’ll accept me. If not, I’ll live with it. Harry is after all more important than what they think.

-Harry’s pov-

“You’re WHAT?” Ron exploded. “First you goes and say that he isn’t that bad of a bloke, then you come and says you love him? Has he drugged you or anything. Cursed you? Given you a love potion?” 

“Stop it Ron!” Hermione said. “Are you sure?” she then said to me.

I nodded. I was pretty sure. I loved having him in my arms. I loved looking at him, talking to him. Everything.  
“Then there’s nothing left for us than to accept it. Ron, Harry is who Harry is, and is he gay in Malfoy then he is gay in Malfoy, no more to that. I think Harry already have thought this through deeply, right Harry?” 

“Yes, of course I have.” I said. Ron looked angry but didn’t say anything. He knew it was bad to say something against Hermione. 

So next step was… Coming out to the school. We can’t keep this a secret. I’ll take on everyone who might want to be mean to Draco. Draco deserves happiness. Draco deserves to be free from problems.  
\--  
There he was. In the middle of Zabini and Parkinson. How was he going to meet me now? 

We we’re going for dinner and I caught up with them. “Em… Draco?” he said questionably. 

“Harry.” Draco answered, I could not hear the usual venom in the voice. 

“You’ve…” I continued. Looking at Zabini and Parkinson. 

“If this is some ugly prank you’re doing, I’m personally going to kill you. Don’t you dare hurt Draco.” Parkinson said. She knows… heh. 

“I’m not going to hurt Draco…” 

“Good for you.” she said, and walked briskly on, close followed by Zabini.

“They… accepted me. I was actually pretty chocked by that. Guess I had better friends than I thought.” Draco said. “Yeah, Hermione and Ron also knows. They’re… accepting. Even if it’s a bit hard to take in."

“Look, it’s the queers.” A voice laughed behind Draco, coming up from the dungeons. It was Goyle. 

“Well, at least not a drumhead like you. I mean, wouldn’t anyone rather be gay than you.” Draco snapped back. Obviously back in self defence mode. 

“Wait until your father hears about this, Malfoy.” Goyle smirked. 

“Shut it Goyle.” I said. I didn’t want him to butt in our talk.

“Oh, the other queer. Feeling good having the boy who live defending you Malfoy?” Goyle laughed. 

“I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, I just don’t find it necessary to waste my energy over something so trivial as you.” Draco said and continued walking toward the Great hall with confident steps. I followed. 

“Pretty nice said.” 

“Well I’ve had my practice. It’s you I’m worried about. I don’t think your fan club will be to happy about it. They probably has this perfect idea of you getting with a beauty.” 

“Well, to bad I don't give a fuck.” I said and Draco smiled. We parted after entering the Great hall. Draco went to the Slytherin table and I went to the Gryffindor.


	21. Room of Requirement

-Harry’s pov-

Wednesday. It’s been three days at Hogwarts and I’m going to mate with Draco today, he doesn’t know yet, but nothing is going to change my decision.

“Harry! Thank merlin you’re alone. You’ve not been alone even once. How is it?” Hanna came up besides me. I hadn’t thought of her in a while. She was a nice girl and I really like her. But I don’t feel the same way anymore. I don’t feel exited besides her. All I want is to go to Draco. I knew Hanna was seeking a mate. She probably thinks we’re going to be mated.

“Yeah. I’m fine. How are you?”

“Fantastic! Did you know madam Sprout gave me a dittany? She said that I’ve shown remarkable knowledge for healing so she gave the healing plant to me.”

“That's really good Hanna.”

“I know! How was your semester?”

“It was good. I’ve actually… found someone to mate with.”

I saw the light in her eyes wanish. “R... reall…y? Who is it?” She said with faked excitement.

“Draco.” I answered. She frowned, but didn’t say anything. She wasn’t a person to judge others at first sight. She probably didn’t have much of an opinion on Draco, but she did know that we were on pretty bad terms, and she witnessed me beating the crap out of him that time on our way back to Hogwarts.

“I know it’s weird, and sorry Hanna. I really like you a lot… But I’m going to mate with Draco.” I said.

“Okay… If you’re happy, then I’m happy.” she said. Then she turned around and left. I think I saw tear in the corner of her eye. I didn’t want to hurt her, but I’m not going to leave Draco.

-Draco’s pov-

I had to stay after the potion lesson. Snape wanted to speak to me. Harry had gone alone back to the Gryffindor tower because Weasley and Granger had to study or something.

“Draco… How’s it… been?” Snape says. He was actually very angry when he heard of what father did to me.

“It’s been… good. I mean… I’m fine.” It felt pretty awkward talking to Snape when he knew that I loved Harry, the person we both have spent years to bully. Besides, Snape knowing what they’ve done to me… It’s embarrassing

“Good. I want you at my office tomorrow… There’s something I’d like to tell you.” He said. Weird, Snape actually avoided my eyes when he said that. Snape always look people in the eyes.

I just nodded and left the room.

\--

I met Harry as planned in the ROR (Room Of Requirement) later that day at seven o’clock.

“Harry!” I said out of breath. I had ran all the way here from the Slytherin common room.

“Draco…” Harry said. I knew that something was something going on. Harry had a weird tone to his voice. “What is it Harry?”

“Come here.” he said and I obeyed. I was now standing right in front of him and looked into those green eyes. The form the ROR room had taken was just an empty room with white walls. Pretty big, but empty.

I was worried. Is something wrong?

“Draco… I’ve decided something. Now I’m going to do it. Draco. I’m going to mate with you.”

I took some steps back in chock. Now? Is Harry really that sure? “But it’s your life Harry!” I protested. I didn’t want Harry to just jump into something.

“I know, I’ve thought about it. Actually I’ve thought about it pretty long now. It’s been more than a week. That’s all time I need. I love you, and that is all a veela needs to mate. I wont regret it even once.”

-Harry’s pov-

I meant it. I wont regret it. I can see us, holding hands as grown ups. Still together. Walking in parks, working, meeting friends... I can see us as old men with grey hair sitting in chairs besides each other. I can see two headstones besides each other, one with the name Draco and the other with the name Harry.

I was sure. This was the one thing in my life I knew I wouldn’t regret.

So I did it. I did what I knew Draco already had done more than a month ago. I felt overwhelmed. I backed some steps and sat down on the ground, breathing heavily. Draco was over me in an instant. His worrying expression looking down at me. I looked up. I frowned. I can’t feel a difference. Why? “Draco… I don’t feel any difference.”


	22. Snape

-Harry’s pov-

Draco looked worried, but then he shone up. “Maybe it’s because you already love me?” he questioned quietly. Like it would be a crime to just suggest that I might love him.  
But he was right. I really loved him. I probably didn’t feel any difference because I already love him. I smiled and pulled him close to me. “I love you.” I whispered in his ear and I could feel him shiver under my breath. 

-Draco’s pov-

I knocked at the door. Come in! I heard from the inside. I opened the door and Snape’s gaze fell on me instantly. “Draco.” He said. “You wanted to meet me sir.” I said. He did it again. He turned away his eyes and refused to look at me as he spoke. “Yes… I reckon you’re in deep love with Mr. Potter, right?” 

I nodded. It was, after all, embarrassing talking about my love life with professor Snape. 

Snape’s office was dark and filled with potions and weird books and boxes. It was cold and simple. I don't know, but I’ve always liked Snape’s office, maybe because Snape was here. Snape was always good to me… Even if he hid his feelings behind a stone mask, he was always kind. 

“I… I don’t want you to meet him anymore.” Snape said. I was shocked. He said he didn’t want me to meet Harry?

“But sir… I love him!” I protested.  
“I know… But it’s been really hard keeping your father in the dark. His little spies at the school is desperately trying to let him know. I have no idea of how many owls I’ve been stopping from coming out from the school ground. I can’t keep this up Draco. You really have to stay away from Harry.” 

“But…”

“And your life isn’t in danger anymore, is it? Harry loves you. He returns your love. Then it’s nothing to worry about. You wont die from being apart.”

“It wouldn’t be a life!” 

“Then come with me!” 

There was a silence. Come with… Snape?

“Draco… I’ll protect you. Okay? I’ll keep you safe, so just come with me. I can protect you from the monster that dares call himself your father. Lets get out of here. Lets disappear from this world and settle somewhere far away. Just the two of us.” 

Now Snape was staring directly at me. 

“Why? Why do you want to do that?”  
I was so confused. 

“Draco I… I love you.”

The time stopped. My heart stopped, everything stopped. What? We just stood there. Looking in to each others eyes. I couldn’t take it in. What had he just said? I don’t remember. What did he say? Oh right… He loved me.   
It was like a bomb went down. The time started again and my heart beat 1000 times in a second. Well, maybe not really. But it beat really fast. 

“What?” I must have heard it wrong, or misunderstood. “You mean like fatherly…” yeah that must be it. 

“No Draco. I love you like a lover.” he said. “I wanted you to grow up. To be the perfect grown up I always knew you would be. I can still remember those tinder eyes looking up at me with a big smile. I hoped that because you’re a veela, you would take the mating thing more seriously and decide to wait until you’re in a proper age. I thought that maybe I’ll have a chance when you’re old enough to really love someone…” 

I couldn’t say a word. Snape… Snape was my teacher, my mentor. In many ways a better father figure than my real father ever was. He’s right now telling me… He loves me?

“Sir… that… No… that's…” I couldn’t find the right words. I didn’t love him. I loved Harry. I turned around and left the room. I ran all the way to my room and skipped all classes that day. I laid in my bed, doing nothing but think. Snape couldn’t do this. I’m… I’m sixteen and he is 37! It’s like… 21 years apart. Besides, I don’t think of him like a lover… I can’t even imagine it. What would Harry say if he knew? 

-Harry’s pov-

I haven’t seen Draco all day. Is something wrong? That was what I wondered as I headed down to the dungeons during lunchtime. Okay, so the tricky thing is to get in. I don’t have the password. I knocked at the door.   
“Who is it?” I heard Parkinson ask. Good, she knew about our relationship. “It’s Harry, I’m here to visit Draco.”   
“Fuck no, you must have done something. Draco doesn’t want to talk to anyone. What did you do?” 

“I haven’t done anything! I swear. Let me in and I’ll talk to Draco.” 

“No!” and that’s it. She didn’t budge. I had to give up and go back to the lunch twenty minutes before it ended. 

Everyone was chatting happily but I couldn’t share their joy. Draco hadn’t talked to anyone… What’s wrong? What if he has a panic attack! What if he’s sick? I have to get to him! 

That evening I took my invisibility cloak.


	23. Drawing

-Harry’s pov-

It was quiet as I followed the Slytherin girl into the common room. I was under my invisibility cloak so she didn’t even knew I was here. I hope. 

Now I was lost. Which room was Draco’s? I decided to check all rooms in orders, except the one on the side I’ve seen the girl enter. I kinda presumed it was the girls’ bedrooms. 

I was right. The boys’ rooms were to the left. It took me a while until I found the right room. Crabbe and Goyle was sleeping sound fully in their beds. I did not like them, at all. I played with the thought of hexing them, but then I remembered the purpose of my visit. 

The room was dark, and I presumed it would be dark on the days too, considering the dark colour of the walls and floor. Draco’s bed was cut out from the others by having it’s dark green curtains down. I went closer and peered through a gap between the curtains. 

I saw the blonde hair lay on the pillow. When I slowly begun to pull back the curtain, the hair moved and I found myself staring into the eyes of a seemingly extremely tired slytherin with dark bags under his eyes. “Who’s there?” he asked on guard. I realised I still had the cloak on, and removed it. 

“Harry? What are you doing here?!” he said rather alarmed. What’s wrong exactly? I can see what Parkinson mean. Draco didn’t really look like he was in the mood for a chat. 

“Draco… I can’t sleep. Can I sleep here tonight?” I asked. Afraid he would only push me away if I told him about me being here for checking up on him. 

He frowned but nodded. I slipped through the blanket and ended up besides Draco, but surprisingly he didn't move towards me like he use to, it actually looked like he was staying as far away from me as possible in this bed. 

I got the sense that he wouldn’t tell me what’s wrong even if I asked, so I didn’t. I only lied there, letting him know that I was here for him when he felt ready to open up. 

-Draco’s pov-

In the morning when I woke up I felt those familiar arms around me. Sometime during the night I must have left my corner of the bed and curled up against Harry. He was sleeping peacefully with a smile on his face. How would he react if he knew what Snape had said to me? Why am I even keeping this a secret from him? Shouldn’t I be able to tell him everything? Why is it so hard for me to say it? Maybe because I’ve still not fully accepted it myself. Maybe because I still deep down wish for it to not be true. I groaned and got up. I had slept pretty bad that night, even when tangled in Harry’s arms. 

I shook him lightly to wake him up. Everyone else had already gone to breakfast. Of course they hadn’t touched my bed. They knew that my bed was off limits when the curtains were down. 

Harry mumbled something as he got up. He had come in his pyjamas last night so for him it was only to take his cloak and wander back to the Gryffindor tower.

I sensed that Harry knew that something was off. But I wouldn’t tell him. I don’t know why.  
\--  
At breakfast I stole nervous glances at Snape. He was sitting at his spot like usual and looked generally bitter. 

When he looked back at me I turned my gaze away faster than I thought possible.  
I noticed Harry looking at me a lot and I returned the looks with faint smiles. Like to reassure Harry that it wasn’t anything he’d done.  
\--  
The potion lesson were for the first time something I didn’t look forward to. But it happened. On a Wednesday. Snape entered the room and looked strictly ahead of him, like always. The lesson went on, like always. Except, Snape didn’t praise me. He didn’t talk to me. He didn’t even look at me. It was like I was just another student. I hurt, not because I felt anything romantically towards the man, but because in all the years I’ve been at Hogwarts I’ve always counted Snape as an ally. As a person I can trust and as a person who’ll help me. But on the other hand, I was glad he ignored me. I don’t think I would be able to hold a normal conversation with him.  
\--

Weeks went. My life was continuing like always. It was now a couple of days left to the winter break. Mother expected me home. How am I supposed to go home? I don’t want to be there… I can’t. I owled mother and told her I couldn’t go home, that I was too far back in my studies and needed the break to catch up in transfiguration, herbology and astronomy. My mother’s answer was rather hash when she made it clear about her dissatisfaction about me being far behind. 

Harry is going to be at the ‘Burrow’ or something, didn’t really found it important what the house of the Weasleys’ was called. 

I was going to be alone. It was actually a while ago I was alone and I actually found it quite refreshing to think that I’ll have some time for myself.  
\--  
“Goodbye Draco! Promise me you’ll send letters. I’ll wait for it! I love you!” Harry said as he entered the train. I waved a goodbye. It actually felt quite heavy in my heart, seeing Harry leave in the train. 

I begin making my way back to the castle. I walked because I wasn’t in a hurry and I felt like just walking for a bit.  
\--  
The days went on quiet. I studied, I ate, I read, I took walks, I wrote, I drew. 

I’ve actually found it pretty interesting to draw. It was a new hobby and Blaise was already good at it, so he’d given me lessons.  
I drew everything I could think of, not that surprisingly, it was often Harry. I often drew what I could remember of him. His curly raven hair, green eyes… Muscular body… 

I was actually drawing Harry in the middle of the winter break in an empty classroom when I heard someone enter. 

I looked up and saw the man I did not want to see. Snape. Why was he here? Isn’t he supposed to be home this break? I haven’t seen him at all this break.  
“Professor…” I was confused. What was he doing here. I put down my drawing on the table with the picture down. Not so eager for Snape to see it. The pen I placed beside and got up from my chair. 

Snape entered the room with fast, elegant steps. He didn’t stop until he was right in front of me. He grabbed my drawing and turned it around, looked at the familiar face with round spectacles. He dropped it and took one more step towards me. It resulted in me backing off as much as I could, and him following, until I was pressed against the wall.


	24. Raped

-Draco’s pov-

His hand cupped my chin as he tilted my head up, I tried to resist but his other hand stopped me from moving. Slowly… He lowered his head to kiss me. Why is he doing this? Tears flowed from my eyes. I kept my mouth shut.

“Why can’t it be me? Why can’t I ever… Get what I want? Why can’t I ever… get my love returned?” he said. More to himself than to me. “p..pplease, stop.” I whispered. These tears was so familiar to me. It was all so familiar… except now there was feelings. It wasn’t a bloodthirsty maniac… It was a man I’ve known in my whole life, a man I didn’t want to hurt, but who hurt me.

“Snape… please!”

“Severus… Call me Severus. Just once.” he said, looking into my eyes. I kept my mouth shut. I wont say it.

“Say it!” he screamed. His hand slammed at the wall behind me, his eyes glassy with tears. I was afraid. “S..sss..Severus.” I said, shaking. His lips curled in a small smile. “Yes, just like that. My name suit your lips.” he said as he kissed me once again. He pressed his body against mine. His hand that cupped my chin begun to travel down my neck, chest, hips… He took his thumb inside my trousers, and let his hand hang loosely. Then he took the other hand, and held it around my neck. I struggled, but to no avail. I couldn’t get away.

His whole hand got into my trousers and back so it cupped my right buttock. I just wanted to scream, but I couldn’t open my mouth.

I hit him as hard as I could with my hands, but he wouldn’t even budge. Then I started pulling his hair. He let go of me but cached my wrists. He pulled me to the table where my drawing was lying. He swept it all away, down on to the ground, and then forced me to lie down, back down. I was breathing heavily and he took the opportunity to kiss me deeply, tongue exploring my mouth, just like Harry had, but this wasn’t Harry, this didn’t feel safe. This was wrong, the veela part of me screamed, this was wrong, so very very very wrong.

With one hand he held my arms over my head, and with his other, he started unzipping my pants. He took them off, together with my underwear. He started unbuttoning my shirt, he had a bit trouble with using only one hand, but it worked. My bare chest was exposed. He took off the shirt.

“Stop this! I hate you!” I yelled. I heard Snape mutter something while waving his wand, a locking spell? He cast another spell, a silencing spell. I couldn’t say a word. I tried to scream, but no sound came out.

Snape traced my scars with his fingers. Kissed them. His hand was on my crotch, massaging my cock. I twisted and turned, but I couldn’t get my wrists out of his grip.

My limp cock slowly started to get erect. I closed my eyes. This wasn’t happening. I was supposed to be safe at Hogwarts. No one would be able to do this if I didn’t want them to, and the only one I want to touch me is Harry. Oh, Harry, where are you? Save me!

Snape’s hand begun to travel down to my hole. One finger entered. I felt the cold inside me. It moved, further in, the whole finger. A second one. Snape’s fingers started scissoring. I knew what he did, he prepared me. There were only a few ones who had mercy enough to prepare me before.

I tried to kick him, but he was between my legs. I couldn’t do anything. But then the cold fingers left. I felt only a moments relief as I heard a sipper get undone. Snape’s robes fell to the ground and soon stood a naked professor in front of me. He took a firm grip on me, and even though I hit and kicked as much as I could, he didn’t budge. He pressed my knees against my chest so my butt was totally exposed for him. He used a piece of clothning to bind my hands to a leg of the table so I couldn’t use them. I laid across the table, crying and erect. I hated this. Why was I stupid enough to think that anything could change? That I could be safe? Why didn’t I die when I should have? Why did I have to listen to Potter? Why did it have to hurt so much when I thought about him seeing what happens to me now?

It hurt. Snape pressed slowly, but it hurt. He didn’t just thrust in like the most people did, but it still hurt.

I didn’t want this, yet again I wished that I was dead. How many times was it now? I don’t now. Just kill me already.

After a while I just switched of, like I use to when I just lied there. I switched of. Don’t remember much after that. When he was finished everything went black.

The next time I woke up I didn’t recognise anything. Except the black haired, black clothed tall man in front of me. What had Snape done?


	25. The Burrow

-Harry’s pov-

I had a weird feeling as I waved at Draco. The train was moving and soon I couldn’t even see the train station. I sat back in the seat besides Ron and in front of Hermione. Hermione was going to celebrate Christmas with her family like always. I felt very lucky to celebrate it with Ron, though I wished Draco had wanted to tag along. I’d asked him if he wanted to come, but he said he wanted to be alone for a while. Being without my mate for the whole Christmas break was going to be tuff, considering I always wanted to be with Draco. I blamed my overprotectiveness for that. I’ve been really overprotective recently. Maybe I’m just afraid to lose Draco like I’ve lost my parents.

“Hey, you know my mum does the most delicious food ever on Christmas. It’s like she gets superpowers or something. No one wants to miss out on that. I’ve always regretted the Christmases I’ve spent without my mums food. Not regretting to be with you Harry, just regretting missing out on the food. But now you’ll be with us too, so you’ll know how delicious it actually is.” Ron babbled on. The only thing I caught was mums food and delicious.

“Ron, I know you’re happy that Harry is with you this winter, but you should cool down a bit. He isn’t going to disappear I promise.” Hermione said. Ron slowed down a bit, but continued talking on.

I actually liked sitting like this. It was so normal. Like it always has been. Some things never change. Ron and Hermione will be my friends forever, just like Draco will be my boyfriend forever.

During the long ride we talked, promised to write, and talked some more.

\--

“We’re here mum!” Ron shouted. Molly Weasley rounded a corner some seconds later. She gave us one big hug each. I’ve always liked Molly’s hugs. She is the closest a mother I have.

“How wonderful to see you again Harry. Ron, go and wash up, you have dirt on your nose.” She led me to Ron’s room where I’m going to be staying. The Burrow was going to be packed once everyone is here. I could already tell that this was going to be a loud Christmas. Not that I have anything against it. This would probably be the best Christmas ever… If Draco was here.

The rest of the Weasleys’ arrived shortly after too. Fred and George couldn’t resist to scare the life out of poor Molly as an entre. Molly declared them to be the ones to do the dishes after Christmas, and they agreed, after many grumpy and whining comments, telling their mother that it was only just a joke.

 

Ron and I spent much time on our brooms, we competed and played hours straight, until Molly called us in for food. I usually won, but we both often ended up in a pile of snow too.

\--

Dear Draco.

I’ve had a wonderful time here. Everything is nice and happy. We’ve done hundreds of things, like having snowball wars and building snowmen. You’ve always loved dragons right? Well Ron’s brother Charlie is an Dragonologist in Romania. If you want to, you can meet him! I believe there’s many things you might want to ask him about dragons.

I wished you were here. I got many presents from the Weasleys’. Among them a knitted sweater, a handmade one from Molly. I saw the drawing you sent, it’s fantastic! I didn’t know you hid suck a talent. When I return you must tell me all about it!

I’ll be returning back to Hogwarts in a few days. Just wait! When I come back be prepared for the biggest hug in your life! I’ve missed you soo much Draco.

I’ve got a present for you too. But you’ll have to wait for it until I return!

With Love, Harry  
\--

I never got a reply.


	26. Chapter 26. Draco's gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I've not updated in a while, sorry. I would really love to see what you think about the story, so please comment :D

-Draco’s pov-

Snape had kidnapped me. I was currently in a room in the house Snape lives in. It’s a pretty light room with very little furniture. A bed, and a wardrobe. 

In the wardrobe was very expensive clothes, all in my size. I’ve always worn nice clothes, after all, that’s all a Malfoy should wear. 

Father never allowed anything below the worth of a Malfoy to touch my skin, even if I was considered the little whore who was fucked in the dungeons. 

I wonder how Snape got all the money he needed to buy this clothes. I looked through them, and decided on a shirt with black trousers with a dark green robe. I tried to cover up as much of me as possible. 

I spaced in the room. Not much to do. I’ve already checked the door, locked.  
There was a window in the room. The garden outside was pretty. Actually very well taken care of. It was a nice view and I sat down on the windowsill. 

A knock was heard before the door opened. In the entrance I saw Snape.  
“Professor…” 

“Please, call me Severus.” 

I didn’t meet his eyes. What is he doing? Nothing good can come out of this. 

“What are you doing?” I asked. My inside was panicking. I’m here, where Potter is not, and I’ve just been raped by this man. He scared me. But the years I’ve been holding up a pretence was a good practice. I could hide my fear. I kept a normal talking tone. 

“You’re going to live here, Draco. This will be your room. I didn’t know what kind of furniture you like, so I didn’t put any effort in it yet. I’ll bring you a catalogue, you’ll be able to choose whatever you like.” he avoided it. He avoided the thing he knew I wanted to know. 

“You can’t-”

“SHUT UP!” Snape snapped. I could see the fight in him. He fought himself about something. 

“You’re going to live here… Don’t try to escape… Warded…. I have your wand.” he mumbled, then turned around and left.  
\--  
The next time he entered it was with a meal. I ate hungrily. I hadn’t eaten anything for at least some hours.  
Afterwards it happened again. The sun was setting and Snape pushed me down the bed. He did it again. He raped me. I was left alone crying myself to sleep. That night I had the worst nightmare I’ve ever had. 

-Harry’s pov- 

I had a really bad feeling. Like… REALLY bad. I couldn’t enjoy anything. Ever since Draco didn’t reply to my letter I’ve had this weird feeling. He always replied. Why didn’t he do it now? The Weasleys’ have been trying to cheer me up, without success. I’ve been more down now than ever. 

It was with relief I ran through the wall to platform 9 ¾. I searched the whole train for him, but when I didn’t found him, I settled with thinking that he might be a bit late. He didn’t come. Not when the train went and he wasn’t there when the dinner was served in the great hall. 

Surprisingly, we had a new potion teacher. Dumbledore said that Snape had quitted. Why had he decided to do that now? I didn’t share my friends happy laugh and smiles at the fact that he was gone. Why was suddenly both Snape and Draco gone? Where was Draco?

Dumbledore had called me to his office after the dinner.  
I entered the well known room. It was always so comfortable. Dumbledore sat behind his desk, but his face did not show any of that happiness he’d shown in the great hall. It was gloomy. 

“Harry. Good you’re here. It’s regarding Malfoy.” 

“Do you know anything professor? He didn’t answer my letter and he didn’t go on to the Hogwarts express.”

“I know. For some reason young Mr. Malfoy is missing. He is nowhere to be found I wanted to tell you that we’re currently searching everywhere for him, starting with the Manor.”

“Snape… It has to be Snape!” I said. My trust in the potion master had never been good. I’ve always mistrusted him. 

“PROFESSOR Snape has not done anything.” Dumbledore reassured. 

“How can you be so sure?” I asked.

“I could trust professor Snape with my life, just as much as I trust Hagrid, Harry.” 

\--  
I was still panicking a bit. Draco is gone. For every day he’s not here I feel weaker and more tired. It felt like I could fall asleep at dinner just out of the boredom I had while waiting for Draco to be found.  
What if Voldemort has him? What if he’s already dead! No, that can’t be.

I grew more and more suspicious at the former potion master. The new one, who surprisingly was professor Blythe, was very kind to me and also worried for Draco’s well being. He actually told me he’d met Snape once before, many years ago.  
Snape had been out searching for a present to someone. Something powerful and dark. Blythe never knew who Snape had given it to, but he knew what it was. It had been a quill. A quill with never ending ink. And the thing with that quill is, when you draw something with it, it becomes a real object, or creature. You can create anything with it.  
I didn’t know what to do with the information. It’s not like it has anything to do with Draco, and everyone knows that Snape engages in dark magic.  
\--  
At night I sneaked out and went to Draco’s room. I figured it was the right place to start at. I went through Draco’s belongings. Some parchment, books, quills, ink, clothes… Drawings. He had drawing after drawing of me. One where I read, one where I smiled… The at the look of it the most recently made drawing was not done. 

I picked it up. It was a nice drawing, but there was a line going across my eye, like someone suddenly pulled the paper away, or like he got scared. 

I put down the drawing. Draco’s belongings had of course already been searched, but it couldn’t hurt giving an extra check. 

Where would Draco Malfoy put something important? I don’t know. I laid down in his bed and looked at the ceiling. Nothing out of the ordinary. Of course. Green curtains, dark brown bed poles… Wait, what was that? It was a corner of something red. I stood up in the bed and reached out to one of the poles. In the curtain I saw a piece of red clothning. I pulled it out and a book fell from it. It was a diary. Draco’s diary. He never said anything about keeping a diary, but in the other hand, it’s kinda private. I shouldn’t intervere. Haha, says the one who’s been in his mind. Can checking this help me finding Draco? Will I be able to save him?


	27. Draco's diary

-Harry’s pov-

I’m doing it. Yes I’m doing it. It’s for the sake of finding Draco. Whatever I might find I hope he forgives me.

I opened the book in the last written page.

I miss Harry so much. I know it’s just for a while, but it really starts to hurt in my chest. But even though I miss him, I’m still afraid of meeting him. I can’t keep Snape a secret forever. One day Harry will know what happened, and then… I don’t want to think about it. Somehow it feels like I’m betraying Harry by Snape liking me. It feels like I’M doing something bad. I will probably be embarrassed if Harry found out but I can’t figure out why. There’s nothing to be ashamed of for me. I didn’t do something bad, but yet, it feels weird.

I’m going to tell Harry. I can’t keep it a secret that Snape, our potion teacher!, is in love with me.

I just stared at the book. Snape!? I knew it had something with Snape to do!!! But Snape being IN LOVE with Draco?!?! Unthinkable. Weird. I’m sure Snape has Draco, but what should I do? Should I go with this to Professor Dumbledore? No, he wouldn’t believe me, I’ve already tried. Ron and Hermione? They would probably help, but it can be dangerous. I don’t want to put them in a dangerous situation (I actually got really mad at Harry when he thought this way in the books, but it’s the only reason I can come up with where Harry is leaving alone right now. Plus, it’s like really Harryish.)

-Draco’s pov-

It’s boring up here. Snape has given me paper and a pen, but he’s forbidden me to draw Harry, so now I’m just drawing scenery drawings and objects. I haven’t decorated my room even though Snape has given me loads of magazines to choose furniture from. It just doesn’t feel at home here, with or without furniture.

Snape visits me a couple of times a day. Sometimes he takes me downstairs and put me down in a sofa and just lies curled up with me in front of a fire. I usually don’t say anything. What good would it do? He would only hex away my voice. The first time he did it I struggled with all my might, but he only hexed my body limb, so I stopped struggling. I just wish Harry would save me, or someone at least! I hated every minute here. It filled me with guilt watching Snapes pleading face while not being able to respond to his feelings. I’ve shown Snape as much of a stone face I can, but sometimes even he can tell how bad I find this place.

-Harry’s pov-

So, I’m pretty sure Snape has Draco… But how do I save him? Where is he? Where is Snape?

\--

It’s late in the evening and I know I shouldn’t do this… But I have to. For Draco. I miss him so much I think I might go insane.

The hallways are as dark as usual at this hour. It’s one o’clock and the castle is sleeping. I know the way to Dumbledore’s office as good as to my own dorm.

 

It was easy enough getting here with the invisibility cloak. I said the password, and the statue started moving. My heart beat as I thought someone would hear the noise it was making, but no one came.

I hurried up the stairs into the office, as quiet as I can, hoping that Dumbledore was asleep and didn’t pull a night over in the office.

I scrambled through the many books and papers, searching for the location of Snape. Drawer after drawer.

I froze. The door behind me opened. Two men stepped inside. It was Professor Dumbledore and Professor Blythe.

“Don’t tell me that you also believe that nonsense about Professor Snape?” Dumbledore said.

“I know he’s your friend, professor. But you have to see it from another perspective. Maybe he wasn’t the man you thought he was. He is a skilled liar, he might just have kidnapped young Mr. Malfoy.”

“I can assure you that he is in no way involved in this, Professor Snape is merely at home resting from all the teaching.”

“Really? In the exact moment Mr. Malfoy disappeared? Wasn’t Malfoy a very dear student to Professorn?”

“He is his god father! He wouldn’t do that. No, he’s resting in his new house in ….”

I heard it! Right there. Dumbledore said Snape’s address. Now I just have to find the house, and I’ll be a step closer to the maniac who dared lay hands on my Draco! Snape will pay for this!

I felt the rage bubbling up inside me. It all was in black and white. Snape could not have Draco. Draco was mine, and I don’t fancy sharing. 

I went back to my dorm without any incidents, but couldn't sleep. Tomorrow I would escape to Hogsmeade and find a map, I would use my broom to fly to Snape's house. I don’t care how far away it is, I’m going there.


	28. Snape's house

Chapter 28. Snape’s house

-Harry’s pov-

I woke up earlier than anyone else, not that I actually was able to sleep anyway. I took my broom and went off before breakfast, thinking that I could buy something in Hogsmeade, since some shops open early. 

The ride went surprisingly well without anyone noticing me, sometimes I actually start questioning the security here, I mean, I’ve been able to snuck out several times trough the years and I’m still considered a kid. 

Well, when I arrived at Hogsmeade I bought breakfast, without difficulty since I charmed my face so no one would notice who I was.   
After that, I found my map, and off we gooo. I really need to find Draco. I feel more miserable as each hour goes, and if I feel like this, then how does Draco feel? Oh I hope he’s okay. Wait for me, Draco.

-Draco’s pov-

I’m locked in the room again. Snape’s working on something, I don’t know what it is. He’s been mixing potions non stop today. I can’t help but to be curious. I continued my drawing of a bird I spotted outside the window until the door opened.

“The food’s ready.” Snape just said as he placed a tray at my writing desk. I put down my paper and pen. I ate a lot less here than I use to at Hogwarts. But I just don’t have an appetite. I don’t feel like eating.  
“I’m not very hungry Professor.” I said. 

“Well, the least you could do is to drink some so you stay hydrated.” Snape said and gave me the glass.  
I took it and drank from it. It was a sweet liquid. Not the usual water or juice. “Professor, what is this?”   
“I’m not going to lose you too. Not like I lost Lily, and certainly not to a Potter!” 

-Harry’s pov-

It’s getting dark. Snape’s house is pretty far away. Wonder if they’re searching for me? I hate to make them worry about me, but this is for the safety of Draco and everyone else. I can’t risk losing anyone. Especially not Draco. He’s mine. Mine alone. I’m not a person to share my boyfriend. 

I decided to stay the night in the middle of a forest, I’d bought a tent in Hogsmeade and some food since I knew it was a long trip just looking at the map. I didn’t want to use too much magic, since it was traceable. 

It was cold at night and I wished for the hundred time that Draco would be here with me. I managed to fall asleep somehow. My dreams weren’t pleasant. It was a scene where Snape stood with a tied up Draco at his feet and talked to Draco’s father.   
Mr. Malfoy received the news about his sons decision and dragged him down to the basement I’ve seen in Draco’s memory. I saw how Draco was tortured worse than ever before until he with his last breath said “You should’ve come sooner Harry.” and then dropped dead. I shoot up wide awake, breathing heavily and sweating. Draco. I need to find Draco. 

The sun was barely over the top of the trees as I got up in the sky again, continuing my journey to rescue Draco. 

I was almost overloaded with joy as I saw the building appear in front of me. The garden was beautiful, but I didn’t pay much attention to that. I hid behind a tree as I gazed up at the windows. Somewhere in there I’m sure Draco is. He’s my mate and no one’s gonna separate us. 

I sneaked in trough an open window into a kitchen. I listened for any sounds, nothing. I was just going to open the door leading to another room when I suddenly heard a voice at the other end. 

“Just wait a little while I fix the coffee, you must be exhausted from today’s work. After that I think we might as well go to bed, love.”   
It was Draco’s voice. Who did he talk to? It couldn’t be Snape now could it. No, Draco would never say love to Snape. Never. Ever. 

The door opened, a surprised Draco stared right into my eyes, and then…

“Severus!!!”


End file.
